Dating is hard. Here's a list to get you started on weeding out the guys who aren't worth your time… Or who are worth extra, if you're looking for a fixer-upper.


- He makes you buy dinner, because he drove "and gas is really expensive right now. You're a feminist, right? I'm doing this to help your cause."


- He goes with you to get your eyebrows waxed. You assume he's never gotten his done until he greets his waxer by name and asks about her new boyfriend.

- In every conversation you two have, he admits to having another child.

- With a number of different women.

- He hates spending the night at your place because your foundation is two shades lighter than his.

- He comments on guys' asses instead of girls' boobs.

- He texts you at 2 in the morning saying "wat u up 2 2nite?"

- He disappears every other weekend only to come home smelling like poop, vomit, and baby wipes but you live too far away from Tijuana for it to be because of the Donkey Show.

- He makes $6000 a month but can't afford a car.

- He insists on going to the mall with you to help you pick out your new Fall wardrobe.

- He ONLY wants to do anal.

- He has a penis.

- It's in his ass.

- He only lasts 10 seconds because "10 seconds is all I need with you, baby. You're that good."

- Like the guys in Knocked Up, he assures you that you can't get pregnant if you're on top.

- He's seen Brokeback Mountain.

- More than once.

- He answers the truth or dare question, "If it was your last day on earth and you had to choose to have sex with a man or a woman, who would you choose," with "…I'd say a man just because the opportunity doesn't come along that often."

- His pants are tighter than yours.

- He signs offline mid conversation and never bothers to explain himself.

- He's a theater major.

- He loves Pirates of the Carribean, and it has nothing to do with Kiera Knightly.

- He deposits at the sperm bank. Daily.

- He assumes he's always right because he's a guy.

- He owns a vibrator because he "likes to get kinky".

- He won't let you touch it.



Quailman thought of it, Oxnard, Katie, GaTekChiclet, Alice, and Daniel helped make it what it is.