Amir: I don't like USC, but LSU jumping them in the rankings is the completely insane. It's madness! I know it doesn't really matter now, but If you are first, and you win, it should stay that way.
Ethan: Calm down.
Amir: No you calm down! LSU was up 10-9 on Tulane at half. They were favored by 40! What about that screams "Best Team in the Nation?" I already hated the Associated Press for their lackluster reporting skills, but this is just a whole new level.
Ethan: They won 34-9; I didn't realize that it's the College Football Against the Spread AP Poll. Tulane came out fired up and made some nice plays; I wish they'd gotten more credit, but Pam Ward was doing the play-by-play and butchered every Cajun name. By the end of it, she was just calling everyone "Smith."
Amir: I respect that.
Ethan: I love this week's poll; Boston College is a deserving number six, Cal is solid in the three spot after beating Oregon, and Kentucky is somehow number eight. Last chance to get on the bandwagon. I do think Wisconsin is completely underwhelming at number five, though; it seems like they could easily be 3-2 after the last two weeks. And they gave up 31 points to the Citadel. Who's overrated in your mind?
Amir: Wisconsin is a very weak 5-0 after beating Iowa and Michigan State at home by a combined seven, but I think Hawaii, at 15 is pretty ludicrous as well. They are the Phoenix Suns of college football. Sad thing is, we won't know how good they are until they really get tested in the Fiesta Bowl I guess. Is South Florida for real?
Ethan: They're far more real than most things in South Florida. There are a few more good tests on the schedule for them, but they've already got wins over Auburn and WVU, which look legit. Cincy, Rutgers, and Louisville are all left to trip them up, though. One thing bugs me about South Florida; it's in Tampa. Look at a map. Tampa doesn't seem all that far south. Who's lurking that could make a nice run up the poll?
Amir: One team nobody is talking about is Ohio State. Cal is going to play USC this year, so we know Ohio State is going to be able to move up once one of them loses. Remember when Michigan vs. Ohio State was considered a game of the century? What a difference 11 months makes Any other favorite upsets this weekend?
Ethan: Auburn over Florida was pretty sweet. I don't think it completely kills Florida's season yet, but anything to make Urban Meyer less smug is fine by me. There's also something hilarious about Texas and Oklahoma losing on their way into the Red River Shootout. C'mon, guys, you're not supposed to choke to a crappy Big 12 team until late in the season. That's our deal. Moving on to the NFL, thoughts on this weekend's games?
Amir: Kansas City beating San Diego moves the Chargers from underachievers to just plain bad. You know a lot about football, explain to me how Norv Turner's coaching can turn a team from great to horrible. What is he doing wrong?
Ethan: I move that we refer to him solely by his full name from now on. Who knows what Norval's doing wrong? It seems like calming down Phil Rivers should be his first priority, but the Bolts' D was horrific. Thirty points to the Chiefs? The Chiefs aren't just bad; they're terrible.
Amir: It's that damn Shawne Merriman/Steven Jackson commercial. They are both cursed!
Ethan: I think it's time to write a eulogy for the Chargers; there's no way they come back from this. Not with the juggernaut Raiders in their division. True or false: Daunte Culpepper had the crappiest 30 point fantasy game of all time?
Amir: Why are you trying to kick a man when he's getting his roll on? Daunte Culpepper may not pass like Jeff George but he scored more rushing touchdowns in that one game than Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson, and Ladainian Tomlinson combined this season! Uh oh, I think I just wasted my interesting fact of the week.
Ethan: Somehow he generated 103 yards of total offense and scored five times. Meanwhile, Justin Fargas had 179 yard on 22 carries and scored zero times. Remember when people thought Miami had a good D? Like, as recently as Saturday? Ugh. Speaking of good D's, all of a sudden the Giants apparently have one. Find me a tougher defense to block and/or spell their last names. Actually, don't find it for me. Find it for Eagles' LT Winston Justice. Are the Eagles done?
Amir: Eagles are done, Saints are done, and the Bears are done. The only 1-win team I can see doing anything this season are the Chargers and that's if LT becomes player/coach/quarterback. What do you make of these Patriots going 16-0 talks?
Ethan: I never think a team can do it, but this one can. Watching them beat a team is like watching Bartolo Colon eat a turkey leg: complete and utter destruction. No one in that division is going to give them a run, but there are two tough games on their schedule: at Dallas and at Indy. They'll probably drop one of those. Now, let's talk baseball. Are you as excited as I am about the Phillies?
Amir: Nope! I'm a Rockies' fan now. America's team!
Ethan: That game last night was great, if only because the Rockies had to use ten pitchers to get through it and Holliday capped an amazing season by winning the RBI title with that triple. Really, he's the non-Jimmy Rollins MVP. I feel kind of bad for Trevor Hoffman; he's been underappreciated his whole career, and now all most people will remember him for is blowing this save and the 2006 All-Star game. Who do you like in the division series?
Amir:Colorado made a pact with Satan so I like them to win in two. I also have the Diamondbacks, Angels, and Yankees.
Ethan: Yeah, they should have asked the Devil for some pitching in the deal. Do you trust LaTroy Hawkins in the postseason? I don't. I'm going D-Backs, Sox, Tribe, and Phillies. Let's take a moment to mock the Mets, shall we? It's amazing that a team with no pitching collapsed down the stretch! Who could have seen this one coming? I thought Omar Minaya was a genius!
Amir: When your last seven games are at home against Washington and Florida and you win once, that's something I couldn't even have foreseen with a Delorean and a Sports Almanac from 2007-2057.
Ethan: Hey, the Nationals are an up-and-coming dynasty and you know it. My Nook Logan Fathead just came in the mail, and it looks great. They could have used Biff out of the bullpen, I'm sure. Now, to add insult to injury, Scott Schoeneweis is caught in the steroid net. The same gut whose ERA was over five. Oh, well, there's always next year. Maybe they'll find a second basemen, bullpen, and starters not named "John Maine." Got an interesting fact?
Amir: Since I already blew my load earlier, I'll give you another one from the land of Silver and Black. When the Raiders visit the Chargers in Week 6, the Raiders will have the better record. These are two teams that were separated by fourteen games at the end of last season. How much money could you have made in Vegas with that sweet piece of information.
Ethan: Probably none; I think Vegas classified the Raiders as a semi-pro team in the preseason.Until next week, root for the Phillies. Or the Cubs. Or the D-Backs. Or pretty much anyone except the Rockies.
Amir: Hey did you know hockey was back?
Ethan: No. Thus concludes our hockey preview edition!
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