MINDY: Oh my god! Awkwaaard. Sorry.
ROOMMATE: (with half naked guy on futon) Hi.
MINDY: You left your sock on the door. Want me to throw it your dirty laundry basket?

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ROOMMATE: So what time do you think you’ll be back tonight?
MINDY: I don’t know. Why?
ROOMMATE: Well you know, just in case I have company . . .
MINDY: Oh, if you want to have friends over, it’s cool. I’m not a light sleeper.
ROOMMATE: No, see—
MINDY: But you should go out, there’s so many fun things to do in here!
ROOMMATE: Yeah, no. I think we’re gonna “stay in” if you know what I mean.
MINDY: No, you should go out. Oh go to that new place, Cosi, they have s'mores. If you do, call me, we'll meet up!

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MINDY: Oh my god! Awkwaaard, again. You wanna get some dinner?
ROOMMATE: (with half naked guy on futon) Uh, no.
MINDY: Okay. Oh, this was hanging on our door. ( holds up tiny leopard print pillow)
ROOMMATE: I know, I put it there.
MINDY: Oh, I'm sorry! So sorry! I'm just not a huge animal print fan, but if you want to keep it on your bed that's cool.
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ROOMMATE: Heading out see you later.
MINDY: K, have fun!
ROOMMATE: Oh shit! Hey, do you have a condom I can grab?
MINDY: What?
ROOMMATE: Can I steal a condom from you?
MINDY: You need a tampon?
ROOMMATE: What? No, a CONDOM.
MINDY: Oh….you want a condom?
ROOMMATE: Yeah, you have one?
MINDY: Welll I did have a LOT, but I used up my last three last night, baby.
ROOMMATE: You said you stayed home last night and read a bunch of Eugene O'Neil plays.
MINDY: I know! Jeez I was kidding. I just finished The Hairy Ape though, you want that instead?

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MINDY: So this is it.
GUY: Whys you whispring? (he stumbles onto futon)
MINDY: Roommate's sleeping. So… you said you wanted to see pictures?
GUY: Wha?
MINDY: Remember? You said you were from Oklahoma and I said I was in Oklahoma. And you said, you got pictures in your dorm room? And I said yeah and you said—
GUY: Right, right. Sidown, you look hot.
MINDY: Oh. Thank you.
GUY: Yertitsarhot. Big. Mmmm. Co'mere. Big.
MINDY: Yeah, just fat and fibrous tissues.
GUY: Wha?
MINDY: The average breasts, like, eighty percent fat*. Okay, so here's me in Oklahoma. And here's me in Sound of Music. It's hard to tell, but that's me, in the third row, in between the Asian nun and the guy in the lederhosen.

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MINDY: Helooo!
ROOMMATE: (with half naked guy on futon) You're back. . .already.
MINDY: Yeah, no cute guys at the Tap Dance For The Cure Mixer. Watcha watchin? Oh, I've seen this! (plops down on couch) Is this for “Pornography in Pop Culture?” I didn’t think they let Freshmen in that class. Who wants popcorn?


* Speaking of . . . it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Ladies please take some time this month to feel yourself up. It’s never to early to get to know every hot inch of your breasts. And yes, I did actually tell a guy the percentage of fat in the average female breast. But I was drunk and he said he was in Med school.