Cross my heart, hope to die, was-it-really-necessary-to-show-Alex-sticking-a- needle-into-that-kid's-eye, has Grey's picked up. Wow. Tonight's theme was "You can't handle the truth!" and I can't imagine how Really Old Guy Charlie won't win an Emmy for his heroic, groundbreaking performance as a crotchety old man who yells at people and demands "real lobster, not that whitefish crap."

Our epic journey begins in the elevator, Seattle Grace's wonderful metaphor for discomfort and tension. Meredith and Derek make small talk and generally act pretty shy and weird towards each other, like they've never had an awkward morning-after hookup before. Didn't these two go to college? And you totally know that in college Meredith was the girl who studied really hard during the week and then on the weekend got passed around frat houses in between painting the campus with her vomit. There is no way Meredith has never had an awkward morning before. Meanwhile, all the interns are completely enamored with George, and Lexy decides to keep the secret that he's a repeater, though Alex is clearly annoyed. Whatever, I bet Alex is just jealous that George has slept with three characters on the show and Alex has only slept with one.

Alex is peeved again on morning assignments when he is given a new intern named Dr. Norman Sheals, who is much, much older and "has a bum hip and smells like arthritis cream," which is also a pretty apt description of my Nana. Christina bitches about Burke dumping her, which, hel-lo, did not happen. Christina frustrated Burke to the point where he was forced to break up with her. Say what you want about Isaiah Washington, but I will always defend the honor of Dr. Preston Burke, and he did not dump Christina. Anyway, Christina decides to milk her recent heartbreak to score OR time from Meredith, remarking "Bloody surgeries make me feel better." Jesus, who are you, Josef Mengele?

Sometime around this time, this episode's three patients are introduced: a teenager whose mom thinks he's a drug addict, a chatty woman in her 40s with mouth cancer and two friends, and finally, Really Old Guy, who has been comatose for the past year. Really Old Guy is familiar because the residents eat their lunch in his room every day, and after George finishes telling Izzie he was unable to tell Callie about their relationship, Really Old Guy wakes up and yells at Izzie. He is generally awesome, named Charlie, and demands lobster for his last meal, because he is certain he will die soon. I fall for him like a ton of bricks.

When Izzie comes back to Charlie's room later he is crabby but endearing per usual and pretty insistent on dying. I know I've said this before, but Izzie has completely lost it. This much is obvious. So she says "If you wanna die, fine!" and pulls his LVAD wire. Because only good things happen when Izzie pulls out LVAD wires, like that time in the second season when she KILLED HER FIANCE and almost lost her job. Bitch has lost her mind.

In other news: the kid with the paranoid mom actually has hydrocephalus, a buildup of fluid in the brain. For most of this time, the kid's mom has been referring to the old man intern, and when the kid almost dies, Alex finally grows a pair, yells at Dr. Sheals and actually sticks a big needle into the kid's eye and saves him. It is a bit graphic. The tension between Meredith and Lexy escalates when they get into an argument about— of all things— the Hippocratic oath. The tension slightly diffuses when Bailey demands that Meredith be easier on Lexy. Meredith figures out Christina's scheme and snaps her out of it by offering to emotionally console her. Alex gives away George's secret in the elevator, which is pretty classless, but which I also commend him for, as George's entire life is just a giant lie and someone needs to call him out.

Just as Izzie's bringing lobster to Charlie, she gives him an emotional speech about his significance to her but then discovers he's dead. "Crap," she says. Very profound. Our tale concludes with George coming home to Callie, closing the door behind him, and saying "I slept with Izzie." Fade to black.

Notes:
Line of the night: "Elbow, tongue— that's pretty close!" -The Chief, on possible surgery strategies. Good God. Now I know why everyone in this hospital dies.
The lady with mouth cancer and her friends are maybe the funniest thing the writers have come up with since the syph outbreak.
Next episode promises a cafeteria showdown between Izzie and Callie. My money's obviously on Large and In Charge.