Ethan: Another week, another Rockies sweep, another column. At this point, it's impossible to bet against them. I've learned my lesson. I'm picking them in the World Series no matter who wins the ALCS. Same with the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, and 2008 presidential election. They're an unstoppable juggernaut. This long layoff won't kill them, will it?
Ethan: Well, as one of the idiots who kept picking against them, I've been trying to figure it out. The defense is superb, and the non-Fuentes relievers have been lights out in the playoffs. The offense is one of those great ones where there's really only one superstar in Holliday, but the rest of the guys are all above average/dangerous enough that you don't want to face them.
Amir: Tell that to Garret Atkins' mom! She says he's number one!
Ethan: Also, I'm convinced that they're using black magic. Why else did Brad Hawpe have that chicken bone soaked in Brandon Webb's blood hanging around his neck the whole series? Can they beat either ALCS team?
Amir: They don't have to beat either ALCS team, just the Indians. And they will. I told you two weeks ago: the Rockies will not lose a game until 2008! Who do you know that had Cleveland/Colorado in the World Series?
Ethan: Boston's not dead yet! It's only 3-1, and Game 5 is going to be great with Beckett vs. Sabathia: The Sequel. If Beckett can triumph twice over a pitcher who could eat him without having to chew, I'll be impressed.
Amir: Impressed that C.C. can unhinge his jaw? What other sport could produce two completely random teams squaring off against each other?
Ethan: A lot of people picked Cleveland to do well, didn't they? Great offense, ace starter in C.C., and a lights-out middle relief. And Joe Borowski hasn't been their undoing yet.
Amir: And when things are getting tough they just release the fleas! Unbeatable.
Ethan: Those are midges to you, buddy. Sticking with Borowski, I love how writers dump on him for not being a typical closer. Aren't these the same writers who always decry managers using their best relievers to get saves rather than the most important outs in the later innings? That's what Wedge is doing with Borowski. His best relievers are obviously Betancourt and Perez, and they get the most important outs. It's a brilliant show of how the title of "closer" is ridiculous, but all we hear about is how Borowski is their Achilles' heel. I do miss getting to see Borowski more, though. His standard facial expression of "I'm either about to cry or take a crap" is pure gold. So NOW are you on the Kentucky football bandwagon?
Ethan: Pinching my nose to adopt my confused Lou Holtz voice: "You forgot, the regular season IS the playoff." USF has two great wins already, but they've got tough games left against Rutgers, Cincy, UConn, and Louisville. Ohio State's remaining schedule is like a joke; Michigan State and four games against teams that have been ranked. They'll be hard-pressed to win out. If BC can get by Virginia Tech next Thursday, they'll have the best shot to go undefeated. But you're right, we need a playoff almost as much as we need a whole TV show devoted to a guy who does celebrity impersonations. And no one's done that yet, have they? When they do, they should advertise it heavily during the baseball playoffs. Seriously, Kentucky over LSU? No love?
Amir: It was a big win. If they beat Florida next week does Kentucky deserve to be in the top 5? And what about Michigan? If they beat Ohio State doesn't that make Appalachian State the best team in America?! I'm freaking out! Me and Bill Callahan both.
Ethan: Giving Bill Callahan a vote of confidence and then bringing in Tom Osborne as AD is like your boss saying, "No, you're doing a great job. We're just going to bring in a predecessor who did a much, much better job. And he's in charge of you now. But seriously, you're doing swell!" Kentucky will get past Florida, and the Falcons will start wondering what size draft-day jersey to get for Andre Woodson.
Amir: Just give him Leftwich's old jersey. Byron's not gonna use his.
Ethan: Good point. Any NFL thoughts this week?
Amir: My pre-season prediction about the Bears missing the playoffs is becoming truer and truer, Adrian Peterson is going to be a top 3 fantasy back next season, and the Patriots are not going to lose this year. Also, I can't wait to see who gets signed when Testeverde and Rattay get injured next week. Can somebody say JEFF BLAKE?!
Amir: New England is that good. There aren't five teams in the NFL better than Dallas and New England up and beat them by three touchdowns on their home turf. The only two factors left for an undefeated season: Will Sammy Morris or Ben Watson be back against Indy? And will the Pats start Tom Brady in weeks 15 16 and 17 when they've already locked up home field advantage. This is a team with only one weakness: Their coach's personality.
Ethan: Husbands all over the East Coast just wish that were true; you know the Hooded One is a ladies' man. I'm starting to wonder if Derek Anderson is this year's Tony Romo; he's really come out of nowhere to be pretty solid for the Browns. I never thought we'd say this, but it's looking like a good time to be a Cleveland sports fan. Hug your loved ones; the world's about to explode.
Amir: Speaking of Cleveland sports, here's my interesting fact for the week. On the 1988 Arizona Wildcat final four team, Steve Kerr was the starting point guard. His backup? You guessed it: Kenny Lofton
Ethan: Think if Lofton had taken his act to the NBA and played for eleven different teams. Would Jim Jackson even need to exist then?
Amir: Signs point to no.
Ethan: Until next week, try to find the place where Dane Cook took lessons on over-enunciating and ask them to teach you to say "October."
Check out Amir and Ethan's random jersey blog at www.StraightCashHomey.net. No rush, just when you're ready.