1. I’m pretty sure that if I raise my child in a mostly underwater cave, he will gain night vision and the ability to hold his breath for long times. Not only will he use these skills to fight crime, but he will thank me for the cave raising.
  2. If I grow and wear a Hitler mustache for long enough, eventually I can bring it back into style.
  3. Masturbating does in fact count as exercise.
  4. Watching a show about Krav Maga counts as taking a lesson.
  5. That if I had a chance to go back to high school today with all that I know now, I would be cool and score with chicks and not be beat up as often.
  6. In the next 100 years or so man will evolve to the point where we will all be completely hairless. Balding people are just the next step in human evolution.
  7. Being featured on College Humor is proof that my plan to be a famous millionaire is working.
  8. My polite mannerisms and quiet acceptance are respected by my bosses and will eventually lead to my promotion.
  9. I bet that if I was drafted by the army I would find out that I had all sorts of secret fighting and survival skills I didn’t know about.
  10. Girls appreciate that I am totally comfortable talking about menstruation.