How long have you been feeling sick? An hour (0 points) A day (1 point) A week (2 points) Since last winter. I should not have ran around outside in my boxers on the first snow day (3 points)
When you wake up in the morning you: Go to the bathroom and take a leak (0 points) Go to take a cold shower from sweating the entire night (1 point) Go to the bathroom and piss blood (2 points) Can't get out of bed because your body won't move (3 points)
How has your illness been interfering with your life? Too sick to go to class (0 points) Too sick to eat Papa John's (1 point) Too sick to make it to intramural softball game (2 points) Too sick to go out drinking (3 points)
What has been the most exciting part of your day so far? Ran a marathon (0 points) Ate an apple (1 point) Watched Price is Right (2 points) Fever induced hallucinations (3 points)
How's the last person you hooked up with doing? They're climbing Mount Everest today or something (0 points) I'm confident they are very alive (1 point) Not sure, haven't seen them in class lately (2 points) I've never hooked up with anyone, unless oral counts. Then I'd have to go with they got meningitis (3 points)
Have you puked your brains out today? Why? Yes, my friend bet me ten bucks I couldn't eat 2 lbs of chocolate. He didn't think I'd do it! (0 points) No, but I just woke up (1 points) No, it's all coming out the other end (2 points) Yes, because I ate solid food (3 points)
When you cough it sounds like: ehh (0 points) ahhaaaaa (1 point) moooooose (2 points) KGEKHUAAAAUUUAACCKCKRRRHHHHGODIMDYINGGHLKNUKLNHGHKGHNKS
If a really hot chick (or dude) just showed up right now and was all like "I want you so hard right now" you would say: Awesome! (0 points) I'm kinda sick so we probably shouldn't, but OK (1 point) Only if you do all the work and make me chicken soup afterwards (2 points) Cum with me if you don't want to live (3 points)
You scored: points
0 8 Points: No, you're a pussy. Do you always go to the health center every time you have the sniffles? Just drink a bottle of Robitussin, take a nap and stop whining. No one wants to hear about your stupid sinuses or your dumb tummy-ache.
9 16 Points: No. Maybe you are legitimately sick, but you shouldn't go to the health center. Just relax, skip a few more classes and you should be just fine.
17 24 Points: No, what do you think they're going to do for you anyway? It's not like it's a real doctor. They're just going to give you Sudafed and you'll probably get sicker just by going in there. You're better off seeing a pediatrician. The only reason you should ever go to the health center is to buy cheap condoms.