When we last left our friends at Seattle’s most dysfunctional hospital, George told Callie that slept with Izzie just before the episode ended. Grey’s is defined by its good cliffhangers (Does anyone remember “This is my husband, and you must be the intern he’s screwing”?), and this is no exception. But here’s what’s shocking: the resolution was even more surprising than the cliffhanger. Callie doesn’t go completely Carrie Underwood on George. She stays calm. She says she forgives him, which is incidentally tonight’s voice-over theme. God, this was so worth missing the Indians-Red Sox game over.

My mind is changing about Callie. She’s actually incredibly strong and self-possessed and probably the only female character on the show (besides Bailey) who has it together, and it surprised me to see her stick with a guy who had sex with a hot, blonde, ex-underwear model. So George calls Izzie in a panic and runs to the hospital and through its halls like either an eight year old girl who really has to pee or a chicken with no head. I don’t know, I guess he sort of resembles both.

Meredith and Derek make out in the elevator, and then Derek asks Meredith to go away with him for the weekend to wine country. At the risk of sounding like a 13-year-old with a crush on Zac Efron (actually, I’m a 19-year-old with a crush on Zac Efron), McDreamy is perfect. He is the perfect man. I hate Meredith.

Sometime around this time, a young woman is admitted to the hospital for foot injuries sustained while falling off her treadmill. Her boyfriend goes on and on to Callie and Bailey about how important it is for his girlfriend to be thin, and how she can’t quit working out because then he won’t want her anymore. Question: Did these two remind anyone else of Heidi and Spencer from The Hills?

And then, in a burst of anger and giant shiny black hair, Callie walks up to Izzie in the hallway and tells her to meet at noon in the cafeteria for a showdown. It is like something out of an old western and completely awesome. It is so, so glorious.

Finally, what we’ve all been waiting for: the cafeteria confrontation. Commenter Bridget had it right when she said Izzie would want to fight physically and Callie would just want to talk, and Izzie ends up looking like (surprise, surprise) a complete nutjob. Izzie is, again, totally divorced from reality. She had sex with a married man and now wants to fight his wife at work in front of the entire staff. Now I’m just counting down until she tries to murder another patient.

Later, when Izzie and Callie actually do have a conversation, Izzie gets completely owned when Callie tells her, “You humiliated me by getting in bed with my husband and then you humiliated me where I work. You did this to another woman, you took this from me, you are the one who should be ashamed and humiliated, you TRAITOROUS BITCH.” Who called it? Callie and feminism- 1. Unstable home wreckers and psychos- 0.

Before surgery on an injured football player, Alex and Izzie scrub up and Izzie confesses that she had sex with George. First off, Izzie is an idiot if she thinks Alex would be receptive to hearing about her sleeping with with someone else, especially O’Malley. Alex is Izzie’s ex-boyfriend, and every guy I know would rather lick whipped cream off their mom than hear about who their ex is banging. Also, it’s pretty transparent that Alex still has feelings for Izzie, which (I have a feeling) will develop well over the next few episodes.

Treadmill girl dies in surgery, and when Callie tells her boyfriend she ends up losing it and screaming at him “You just wanted her to be hot! You didn’t love her, you don’t destroy someone you love!” She almost loses her job over it too, but she said exactly what I want Lauren Conrad to say to Spencer Pratt, but no matter. After this, Callie is finally able to articulate to George that she hasn’t forgiven him, isn’t okay, and will need a lot of time to heal, if ever. Yes! George is held accountable.

And finally, in a quote that I know I’ll see in some lonely and vapid girl’s facebook profile tomorrow, Derek tells Meredith: “I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you. I wanna build a house with you. I wanna settle down and grow old with you. I wanna die when I'm 110 years old in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime." Okay, all of that sounds great, but I don’t think Meredith can have kids because she probably can’t even get her period anymore. Her skinny veiny neck and spooky ghost hands are starting to resemble something from a Tim Burton movie.

In other news: Christina’s irritability does turn out to be a bit refreshing and funny, but she crosses the line when she constantly admonishes Lexy, who has become friends with Derek. The Chief’s teenage niece Camille is admitted to the hospital for recurrence of ovarian cancer, which has spread to basically everywhere in her body. Camille decides to stop treatment, and the Chief allows it even though it hurts him. I’m pretty sure ethically he’s not even supposed to be her doctor anyway, but whatever. The episode ends with Izzie and Callie in separate beds but alone and upset and George nowhere to be found.

Final thoughts:
I was wrong about Alex’s goatee. It’s not gone at all! Gentlemen, pay attention: full beards, sexy scruff and sideburns are acceptable forms of facial hair. Goatees, mustaches, and—here’s the worst one—soul patches, are not.
Line of the night, from Norman: “Lexy would never say anything uncool,” and then later “Sup, Lexy?” I think someone has a crush!
McSteamy/Sleazy could use some more screen time. I miss him.
No mention of Burke tonight. It's cool though, I know it'll happen again.
Next episode is "Halloween comes early!" and in the preview Meredith is a zombie. I cannot wait.