You don't need an expensive costume to strike fear into the hearts of your friends this Halloween. A few carefully chosen items of clothing are all it takes to create these disturbing characters:

YOUR VAGUELY RACIST UNCLE

"I got this real nice colored boy hauling that stump off my lawn. Good kid. Solid upbringing."



SLIPKNOT FANATIC

"Their last album was a bitter symphony of pain and alienation! It was also $19.99 at Tower Records."



YOU, AT 13-YEARS-OLD

"People think that 'Magic: The Gathering' is just for kids, but that's untrue. It's also for pixies and wraiths!"



YOUR STUDENT LOAN REPRESENTATIVE

"For the last time, I cannot accept your Scottie Pippin rookie card as payment."



THE OPPOSITE SEX


"Did it hurt when I fell from Heaven? I'm sorry, are you comparing me to Lucifer?"



YOU, AT 35-YEARS-OLD

"Loneliness, I choose you!"

Illustrations by JONITA GRIFFITH.