This week, we see ESPN personality Chris Berman helping his 10-year-old son study for his upcoming History test.
Chris Berman (CB): Alright, shoot.
CBK: Ok, well I really need your help though. Please don’t do what you did last time.
CB: You got it, Li’l Boomer.
CBK: Don’t call me that. Okay… so who led Germany and Italy?
CB: Germany was led by Adolf Hitler Me with Your Best Shot. (Son rolls his eyes) And Italy… Benito Bullwinkle J. Mussolini.
CBK: Alright. (Taking notes) But, seriously, you don’t have to give them nicknames, you can just tell me, that works better, I think. What about the leaders of the U.S. and England?
CB: Franklin Kiss from a Roosevelt…
CBK: (Under his breath) Seal?
CB: Aaand Winston Chuchill or High Water.
CBK: Okay, honestly, it’s just distracting. Please. Stop giving them those stupid nicknames. I just need to study. Why did America get involved in the war?
CB: Well, it’s more complicated than one issue, but the simple answer is Pearl Jam Harbor.
CBK: Pearl Jam Harbor?
CB: Ya know, Pearl Harbor, but… Pearl Jam… that grunge band that was huge in the 90’s. Eddie Vedder. Come on, you know Pearl Jam.
CBK: Ok, not only did you give a nickname to an event, it was a nickname you had to explain. Stop. No one thinks you’re funny anymore.
CB: Oh! Auschwitz-y Woman!
CB: Harry Too Good to be Truman. George S. Patton the Back. Charles de Gaulle-righty Then. Chiang Kai-shek, Please!
CBK: (Leaving) I hate my life.