1- Toothbrush and toothpaste – The dried up vaginas that give this out should be brushed furiously with a grill brush and vinegar.

2- Apple – I don't even care if it's covered in caramel and nuts. What kid wants a fibrous mushy fruit instead of a candy bar? Only reason it's not #1 is because it gets points for scaring suburban mothers thinking there's razors and pins in it.

3- Bubble Gum – Especially that little chunk of cement Bazooka Joe. Who enjoys chewing that thing?

3- Hard Candy – Mmm, cough suppressants. If I were a 90 year old grandmother, maybe I'd appreciate these. Especially those awful tasting cranberry candies. Ugh.

4- Paper Dots – Who marketed these things and how did they sell? It's these little blots of candy on wax paper that are impossible to take off without ripping some of the paper stuck to the back of it, so you're eating 80% sugar and 20% tree product.

5- Mary Janes – I don't know if you remember these, but they were a peanut butter product of some kind, but for some reason it always tasted like eating smoke. And the after taste would stay with you even if you brushed your teeth.

6- Charleston Chew – This candy is obnoxious because it's not soft enough to chew, and nobody wants to suck on a chocolate bar, because it looks like you're blowing Lexington Steele if he got penis reduction surgery. Plus it leaves you with a worse mess on your face than if you actually were doing that.

7- Crackers – Only the cheapest motherfucker alive does this, but I've actually received little packs of Saltines in my halloween bag. The kind you get for free when you get soup at a deli. I've also received Ritz Bits, which isn't as bad because at least the person spent something, but still, I'm not looking for a salty snack when I'm rifling through my bag at the end of the night.

8- Potato Chips – See last sentence of #7

9- Candy Corn – I feel like I'm eating sugar-coated candle droppings.

10- Wax Lips – You don't eat it, so I never understood what the point of these were. Is it because it's funny? I never laughed at those. If I ever saw a kid laughing because he was wearing wax lips I'd have to fight the urge not to place his face on a curb and stomp those wax lips into his fat face.