This Sunday saw the release of one of the year's most anticipated games, Guitar Hero III. After playing it for a few hours (Okay, more like 8), my feelings are mixed. Here to help me fully express my feelings are the voices in my head.

Me: Okay first of all: give me Eric Clapton, give me Peter Frampton, give me Jimi Hendrix. You call it "Legends of Rock" and you don't include those three?! Give me a break.

Me Again: Hendrix was in the first Guitar Hero, and they've had two Cream songs in the series—

Me: I really don't care about Cream. "Cocaine" should have been in there and you know it.

Me Again: Well, I don't think they wanted to have a song that talks about drug use in a T-rated game.

Me: Hey, it's 3:45, I think it's time for your vagina waxing appointment.

Me Again: Look, whatever. All I know is the male lead singer in Guitar Hero III has an enormous fucking jaw.

Me: Holy shit, is he supposed to be a pelican? Maybe if he has a good set the audience throws him fish.

Me Again: He looks like Statler from The Muppets.

Me: Having said that, there are some amazingly difficult songs in this game. "Before I Forget", "Stricken", "Knights of Cydonia", "One"…

Me Again: "Before I Forget" is ridiculous. I think I'm gonna have forearms like Popeye before I beat this game.

Me: Is that because the game is so hard or because you masturbate constantly?

Me Again: I……..I do not…..

Me: The new guitar controller is pretty sweet, though.

Me Again: Yeah, too bad you didn't shell out for it, you cheap bastard.

Me: I'm not made of fucking money! Why don't you back the hell off?

Me Again: Dude, it's like 30 bucks. How hard is it to find 30 bucks?

Me: About as hard as I was when I was with your mom last night. Watch out!

Me Again: Okay, I'm not even gonna go into how many different ways that's wrong.

Me: What—ah, fuck!

Me Again: Good catch, moving on. Where has System of a Down been this whole series? Show Serj and Daron some love.

Me: Exactly, if you're gonna throw a bullshit sandwich at me like "Rock This Town", you have to throw a System of a Down song in there.

Me Again: Yeah, it's called "Guitar Hero", not "I Enjoy the 1950s Hero".

Me: ……………….

Me Again: What?

Me: Nothing, it's just…..well, "Rock This Town" came out in 1981, not the 1950s.

Me Again: ……….Well, it still sounds like shit.

Me: Totally.