Previously on Nip/Tuck: Julia was a dirty cunt, Christian and Sean were probably gay for each other, Matt looked exactly like Michael Jackson. More specifically, at the end of last season, Julia had removed to NYC with Annie (of "I have a tampon stuck in my vagina even though I am 9" fame) and Baby "Lobster Hands" Conor, presumably to live with her raging yeast infection of a mother; the separation of some ass-ugly conjoined-at-the-head adult twins ended in death, but not necessarily tragedy; Escobar was awesome and shot a guy in Sean's living room; James was less than awesome and shot herself in Burt's living room; Michelle killed Burt for his kidneys and broke her engagement with Christian; Julia had sex with a wise midget; Kimber and Matt were Scientologists and very pregnant; AND Sean and Christian (and apparently Wilbur) had moved to Hollywood to play house and make sweet, sweet anus love. This episode was all about Control, starting off with some one-on-one b-ball action between Christian and Sean, but if you just listen to the audio and ignore the sound of Sean's loafers scuffing up the gym floor they apparently had installed in their office, it sounds like they're boning. In the ass. They keep calling each other "partner" and at the end Christian screams a triumphant and climactic "YES!" Then he warns Sean about scuffing up the floor, and Sean exposits, "Maybe if we had any CLIENTS in the past two months, I wouldn't have to spend all my time sucking at basketball." Uh-oh! Two months in Hollywood and no clients? How can this be for world-renowned plastic surgeons such as Christian and Sean? What ever will they do??!?Answer: Spend 8-10 minutes of the episode on a flamboyant Getting Ready to Go Out montage that would make a dormitory floor full of freshman girls sigh, "Jesus, just pick a shirt and go, already!" Their genius plan is to hit up a dark and ostensibly swanky night club to peddle their services to less-than-perfect-looking women. It doesn't get them any business, but they DO get seduced into spending $5K/month on a publicist (played by Joely Richardson), who sets them up to be factual consultants on a new plastic surgery drama called Hearts & Scalpels. Cut to a longer-than-necessary segment of Sean and Christian watching H&S. Just to clarify: I am now watching two plastic surgeons on a plastic surgery drama watch a plastic surgery drama. I know you can do better than this, Nip/Tuck writers. I remember the Carver. The bad news is that H&S has approximately the same quality of acting and writing as The Hills.