There should be a Bill Murray movie that coincides with every major holiday. Think about it, we already have Scrooged(Christmas,) Groundhog Day (Easter,) and Lost in Translation (National Scarlett Johannsen’s Ass Day- already recognized in Canada and parts of Scandinavia.) Today, Halloween, is the most glorious of holidays because there is not one Bill Murray movie to go with it, but two. To celebrate, I give you a list of the 10 worst villains of The Ghostbusters movies.

10. Slimer aka Onionhead
Why he makes the list:
He’s the Ghostbusters first real case. The little bugger terrorizing rich assholes in their plush hotel is the first chance we get to see the crew actually bust some damn ghosts. He also gives them actual, physical contact making Dr. Peter Venkman his bitch in the process.
Why he’s not higher:
For one, he’s practice. The guys bust him with relative ease having never used their equipment before. Plus, later in the movies he’s used as comic relief, actually being less scary than most New York City bus drivers. And then there’s the whole “he’s our buddy” thing in the cartoons. I guess it’s the whole Patty Hearst, hostage sympathizing with their captors thing. Plus Ecto Cooler is delicious.

9. Janosz
Why he makes the list:

This guy is just creepy. He’s got that weird obsession with Dana Barrett, add that to the whole kidnapping thing and he’s man crush on Vigo and you’ve got yourself a bonafide whack job.
Why he’s not higher:
He’s kind of a pussy for starters. Do you really think he’d have the balls to do any of those things without the backing of his main man Vigo. He’s another villain who turns into a friend of the Ghostbusters at the end of the movie, but you can’t really blame him, they are all covered in the pink love jizz.

8. Vinz Clortho “The Keymaster”
Why he makes the list:
He’s a pretty bad dude. He’s come to earth to meet up with the Gatekeeper and open up the Gates of Hell. That’s some pretty serious shit.
Why he’s not higher:
He couldn’t have picked a crappier host for his mission of destruction. Louis Tulley? Are you kidding me? Might as well just tried to take over the world in his beast dog form, he probably would have had more luck, and definitely got more respect. But no, he’s got to go rub pizza on his face. Idiot.

7.The Scoleri Brothers
Why they make the list:

Again, these guys were some bad dudes. The ghosts of two convicted and executed murderers come back for revenge on the judge that gave them the chair and everyone else in their path. They wreck some serious havoc on Judge Wexler’s (who’s a serious dick) courtroom until the boys step in and do what they do best.
Why they aren’t higher:
Just like Slimer in the first movie, these guys are pretty much practice. The GB’s have to blow the dust off the old Proton Packs to go to work, and still get rid of the murderous pair pretty easily. How would you like it if you were sent back to Hell by a Birthday Party Clown?

6. Ray Parker Jr.
Why he’s on the list:

What a douche. Anybody that steals from Huey Lewis is a villain in my book. Let’s hope he one day meets up with an ax-wielding Patrick Bateman.
Why he’s not higher:
Has anybody ever asked you who you were going to call? What popped in your head? Case closed.

5. Zuul “The Gatekeeper”
Why she’s on the list:
This bitch came to earth to open up the gates of hell! That goes under the “not good” column in my checklist when evaluating someone.
Why she’s not higher.
Because Sigourney Weaver is freaking hot. And she gets a hell of a lot hotter when possessed by the demon. I can’t rank anybody higher than five if they are responsible for me getting my first boner.

4. The Fake Ghostbusters Cartoon
Why it’s on the list:

Because they tricked me as a child into tuning into their stupid program, week after week, thinking that I was going to see Peter fucking Venkman. Plus, when the actual Ghostbusters came out with a cartoon, they had to add that pretentious “The Real” to their name. Nothing makes me more angry (even when I was 5) then self-importance.
Why it’s not higher:
Because they’re stupid, that’s why.

3. Walter Peck
Why he’s on the list:
When I saw this movie, I said “that guy’s a fucking douche bag.” Pretty impressive for a one-year-old. My parents didn’t even yell at me, they were proud that I was so advanced for my age. That’s how much of an asshole this guy is. He releases all the captured ghosts back into the city. Way to go numbnuts. When a toddler can recognize that a character is a scumbag, you have to give it to the writers and actors for a job well done in the villain creating department.
Why he’s not higher:
Because it’s true, the man has no dick.

2. Gozer
Why (it’s?) on the list
The (fictionally Sumerian) shape-shifting god hell-bent on bringing about the end of the world is so cool it lets the people pick what form their death will come in. It’s like the Hurts Donut of the spirit world; you don’t know what you’re getting into until it’s far too late.
Why it’s not number 1:
Letting them choose turned out to be a pretty bad idea. Plus, if you could choose any form to appear as, why the hell would you pick some sexually androgynous, high-top fade wearing, ghost faced ballerina? Plus, it’s “door swung both ways.”

1. Vigo the Carpathian
Why he’s number 1:
The “scourge of Carpathia” is one bad mother. Check out his other names: Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. Wow. He was a son of a bitch in human form, reigning by terror in the 16th century until he was killed via poisoning, stabbing, shooting, hanging, stretching, and drawn and quarter-ing. Even after all that, he promised to be back. Not one to break his word, Vigo chooses to return on New Years Eve, 1989 in New York City. He takes over Janosz and turns him into a bigger creep than he was before, and almost takes over Ray before the guys can turn their cum-guns on him. This guy’s definitely the baddest dude the Ghostbusters come into contact with. His second death is a little less badass than the first, he’s killed by the sounds of singing. How sweet.