We the People of Walsh 516, in Order to form a more perfect time for all, establish drunkenness, ensure domestic survival, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of alcohol to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Articles that guarantee life, retention of bodily fluids, and eventual unconsciousness for all.


Article I

Section I: No dying

Section II: No crying (Exception is made for the violation of Article I Section I)

Section III: No throwing up

Section IV: If Section III must be violated, the contents must be expelled into a wastebasket, toilet, or another proper receptacle

Section V: There is to be no excretion of urine in any place indoors aside from into the toilet

Section VI: Outdoor urine excretions are also smiled upon by the hosting parties


Article II

Section I: There is to be no fighting in the physical, emotional, or mental sense

Section II: Within Walsh 516, your right to bear arms is forfeited

Section III: There is to be no writing on anyone unless all of the following circumstances apply:

i)The person is not resting his or her eyes, he/she is passed out cold

ii)The person’s shoes are on

iii)The person deserves it

Section IV: In the event of a beer pong/beirut game, there is to be a random drawing of names to determine teams

Section V: There is to be no complaining about your partner, no matter how bad he/she is (The JP Amendment)


Article III

Section I: Ladies: Keep all 4 appendages to yourself when the other roomate is present

Section II: Gentlemen: Keep all 5 appendages to yourself if the other roomate is present

Section III: Do not engage in any acts that involve a member and a member of the opposite sex that you will regret come morning (The Asaro Amendment)

Section IV: If a room resident brings a girl back to the dorm, she must be able to come through the doorway without turning sideways (The Dean Doctrine)


I hold the following truths to be self evident: signed November 6, 2007


Tommy Welch