“Ughhh, weddings. Not for me.”

“Hey man, congrats! What? My turn?! Ha! No man, not me. Neeever gonna happen”

“Baby, what’s the point of slow dancing? It’s just, like, swaying in front of people. Laaame.”

“Oh, I hooked up with that girl freshman year. She still e-mails me. No, not that one, the hot one next to her.”

“See the girl in the blue dress? The one with the fake boobs? Hooked up with her.”

“Dated that girl my senior year. She does porn now! What? No, no no, just random stuff on the internet.”

“Hey, you brought your checkbook with you right?

“Stop complaining! I told you not to wear those ridiculous shoes. Deal with it!”

“Oh and this is my girlfriend. She’d say hi, but she’s too busy eating. Right baby? Last wedding we went to, she followed the appetizer tray guys around during the whole cocktail hour. That’s my girl!”

“Okay, I just counted. I’ve hooked up with NINE girls here. Not including ex-girlfriends!”

“Baby, what’s the point of dancing together on a fast song?”

“Hey dude! Been a looong time. What? Yeah, I know. I can’t believe we’re at Sullivan’s wedding! Crazy. He’s gonna be with just her…forever…fuckin’ scary, right?”

“Wait, how much was the ring? No! Holy shit! If hell freezes over and I actually decide to get married, I’m proposing with a hallmark card!”

“Baby, I’m so glad you’re on the pill and we neeever have to do this.”