1. It is imperative that you wear your school hoodie to all functions during the 5 day break. Failure in wearing said hoodie will result in questions of "Where do you go again?" and "You go to Penn State right? How about those Nittany Lions?" Most of all, you will come to the unfortunate realization that you did not follow dress code, thus are not allowed to enter the Annual "bragging party", where everybody in the freshman class shows up in their hoodie and brags about how sweet their school is, and how they are banging so many chicks. Do not be fooled though, they are actually spending most of their nights playing Halo with "the guy down the hall with a lot of acne" and "This dude I met who says he's in a band."



2. When at said “hoodie party”, do not believe people when they say "they are taking it easy with the partying, trying to concentrate on their studies." These people are lying, and are most likely on the other side of the Xbox Live headset, talking to the guy whose band is this close to making it big.


3. Remember how much you lied to your new friends at school about what life was like back home? Well, it’s time to do the same with your High School friends! When talking about your experiences at college so far, the words “legendary”, “threesome”, and “completely juked out a cop” must be used in conversation.


4. If somebody asks you if you were at the “sporting event against said team”, the only acceptable response is “Yeah, it was crazy. I was so drunk.” Even if you weren’t there, how the hell are they going to prove it?


5. When you come home, people will not be impressed by how much you are talking on the phone with your friends from college. This means that those people don't have friends at home either, or else they would not be calling you.


6. If you run into someone who goes to Community College, DO NOT ask how they like it. You already know the answer. They hate it. Also, if they think you are being smug with them, they can call one of the people they met at school, who undoubtedly "has a cousin who’s in a gang, and totally has my back."


7. When you drink for the first time over break, do not mention to anybody that "your tolerance is so much higher now." Nobody gives a shit.


8. Commenting about "how great it is to finally have a great home-cooked meal" to your friends is important. It is not Thanksgiving Break without a couple of clich?hrases. Others include “I can’t believe everything closes so early at home” and “Wow, I completely forgot how to drive! It’s been three months!”


9. If you actually did forget how to drive after three months, you are a dumb ass.


10. It is important that you point out to everybody that "so and so has gotten HUGE."


11. When people ask you how school is, you simply respond with, "I love it, I'm having a lot of fun." Anything more detailed than that and you are a tool. Also, it is important to ask how the other person likes it, even though you obviously know what the answer is.


12. While it may be your first time home since you left for college, it is not appropriate to make the obligatory "High School visit." It is way too early. Making the HSV is all about how the kids still in High School perceive you, and if you show up 3 months after you left, people will assume that you miss High School, or that you are the new janitor. Going with a buddy is the only way to do it, and it must be done no sooner than Christmas Break.


13. Also, you might see that fifteen year old girl that you drunkenly hooked up with during the 4th of July fireworks and refused to tell your friends about. She only made out with you because you had a license. Plus, she is more mature than that now. She has a learner’s permit and everything.