Oh, Nip/Tuck! You just keep getting better and better! In the first couple minutes of the show, Sean and Kate are in a hot tub making out, and Kate's all, "Hey, brb," and Sean's all, "I said suck my dick, bitch!" and pushes her back into a sitting position, whereupon this happens (in case you don't feel like clicking on the link, she diarrheas all over the place). Kate is duly embarrassed, and admits to Sean that she's been feeling badly about herself lately (even though she JUST had plastic surgery), so she ate a lot of food, and then because she couldn't throw it up for some reason (bullshit, you can always throw it up), she took laxatives instead. Whatever, cry me a river. Then she gives Sean a blowjob, obvi. The titular character this week, Everett Poe, is so inconsequential that I would wonder why he was even on the show, if not for the symbolism. Everett has had, like, 18,000 procedures over the years, but he needs just one more (a cleft in his chin) so that he can be perfectly symmetrical. He looks sort of like a cat, but not a cute one. A cat that has a mullet. Also, this is weird: we never see old E.P. post-surgery, so it doesn't really matter what his new chin looks like, but editing still blurs out his chin and lower lip area during this scene. It makes his faces look that much more busted, plus it's unnecessary and very strange. Anyway, he owns a salon and is also super gay, of course. Christian finds out about Ms. Poopypants and calls her The Shitter, which is not a very clever nickname, but an appropriate one nonetheless. Sean threatens to tell on Christian if he doesn't stop with the name-calling, and Christian scoffs and refuses to lose weight, despite all my emails to his assistant. Julia and Olivia are having lunch with Liz outside somewhere, both wearing black, because they've resigned themselves to a life of infertility and evil by eating each other's pussies, which is going against the will of the Lord our God. Julia is clearly uncomfortable every time Olivia touches her, which Liz notices, and which is ridiculous, because if I was anywhere near Portia diRossi, I would be like, "Never take your hands off of me, that everyone might think you are mine and mine alone." She's gorgeous. Julia is all, "Heh heh, Olivia says I need to get used to PDAs, which are Public
" And Liz is like, "Affection. I know. Thanks, Urban Dictionary Correspondent." Olivia then Proves She is a Lesbian by spitting some shit about how Liz is beautiful and successful and should have found herself a woman by now. If the history of this show has taught us one thing, it's that Liz is not attractive to anyone except Alanis Morissette and kidney thieves, and even then only for a short while. Poor Liz. J & O leave to explore each others' vulva in the precious moments while the kids are away, somewhere, unsupervised.