Dear Santa,
It’s me, Brock. How are you? I am fine. I can’t believe another year has gone by since I wrote you last. Thanks for the sweet LEGO space ship set you got me last year. It was totally awesome! All pleasantries aside, let’s get down to business.
I know this letter comes a little early this year but desperate times call for desperate measures. There is great unrest in the world and I have decided to use my Christmas wish list to bring back balance. I know this is probably not the best moment for this request since you’re probably very busy with all the lead-based paint toy scandals. Very clever putting the blame on Chinese factory workers but come on, it has SC written all over it. I’ll keep your secret if you help me out. All I ask is that you try to use your magical jolliness to bring me what I really want for Christmas.
Here’s my list:
-Please help clear Dog, the Bounty Hunter, of all claims of being a racist and allow him to return to TV in a new show where Dog is able to nab scumbags while learning about tolerance. Go with Christ, bra!
-Please find a fair resolution for the Writer’s Guild strike or if resolution is unattainable please find a way to keep The Office, Heroes, Lost, Family Guy, The Simpsons, and Saturday Night Live on the air. Oh, and Grey’s Anatomy, too. For my girlfriend.
-Give back Britney Spears her sanity so she can make better music videos than that piece of garbage she did for “Gimme More”
-Stop that moron from high school who I sat beside once in tenth grade history from poking me on Facebook. (We were never friends, dude. Give it up!)
-Please, please, please, please, PLEASE get me an XBOX 360 so I can play Assassin’s Creed when it comes out. WOOT!
I would add something about the ozone layer but I am sure Al Gore has been hitting you up on that for the last few years. Just try your best with the list and I’ll try my best to stay on the ‘nice’ list.
Festively yours,
Brock Smeenk
P.S. What the hell is a reindeer game?