Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
MLK - Stand Up Comedian
January 12, 2007
"Hi every one, I'm Martin Luther King Jr. And umm Haha, look at this girl, shes like "Oh My God! Why is Carlton's dad doing stand up comedy?" No I'm not James Avery. Yes, I looked up his name before coming on stage tonight, so what? I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed.
Haha. Just a tip, if you're ever in any city in America, and you're on a road named after me:
!!! Isn't that incredible? Have you guys noticed that? No matter where you are. You can be in Kansas City, Missouri, Los Angeles, California, it doesn't matter! If you're on
Look at this white guy up here. "Oh no. That is
right. I don't want to laugh." What's your name buddy? Hi? Your name is Hi? What, were your parents hippies? This is a comedy show Relax You can laugh! That's how it works, I make jokes, you laugh. See? See how everybody around you is laughing. We ain't gonna hurt you Yet! Haha, Nah I'm just playin'
In the Distance: "Tell us about your dream!"
What's that? "Tell us about your dream?" Who said that? Where are you? Yeah, that's original. I don't get that every day. "Hey man! Tell me about your dream, man! I had a dream, man! It was like, I was at home, but I wasn't at home." No, no. Continue. I've never heard that one before. "Tell us about your dream!" Fuck you.
I have other dreams too you know. I dream about history. Do you guys ever dream about history? Here's something weird about history I know that cavemen invented the wheel But do you think that disabled cavemen, invented the wheelchair?
What? Oh I can talk about lynching this white guy, but I can't make a joke about disabled cavemen? Are there any disabled cavemen out there? I'm sorry if I've offended you! There! Are you guys okay now? Can you laugh at that joke now?
I do impressions. Here's one of mine I do. Here's an impression of a racist inventor from the 1960's: "You see, it's like a water fountain But for black people!" Haha, ohh okay, you guys liked that one. So if you're taking notes out there tonight guys, racism funny. Disabled cavemen
All right, I'm Martin Luther King Jr. That is my time, thank you very much, and enjoy my holiday! Goodnight everybody! Thank you. Good night.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.