Turkey? Check.

Beer? Check.

40 kids running around in the desert? Check.

That’s right! Coming to you live from my home in Rhode Island, it’s the Morning After Kid Nation!

Let’s get going…

We pick up right where we left off last week (Thanks again to Paul Scheer for filling in…). There are reelections for the council, and they threw the kids right into the race.

It’s time for speeches…

-Blaine says that things get accomplished better if The Council motivates people. Maybe someone should motivate him to get a fucking haircut.-Guylan actually asks to be removed from the The Council which is an interesting move…and not a bad tactic considering he might have tied Mike’s margin for worst loss ever. No one objects to DK’s being on the council and the kids all react like people did when the OJ verdict was read.

-Laurel’s speech: “I really do love running Bonanzah City and I think I’ve been doing a good jab so fahr.”-Michael says he wants to test himself.

-Anjay then gets up to give his speech and asks that the town look at his whole track record and give him a 2 chance. WHAT? Look at your whole track record? You’ve got to me kidding me. He hasn’t done anything!Not to mention, this would be a third chance. Choose me once, shame on you. Elect me twice, shame on me. Elect me a third time, Greg will kick your ass.-Greg tells the town that maybe he’ll turn over a new leaf on The Council. For the love of God, let him win.

-I’d like to bring something up right now…I think it’s hilarious how every time Host Guy says something to the kids he accentuates it with a fist pump of some sort. Like “Vote!”or “You won’t see your parents for 40 days and nights!”-Speaking of 40 days and nights, it’s nice that all these kids gave up parents and guidance for Lent.

-Guylan, let me be the first to say: Congratulations on being incompetent.

Vote counts:

GREEN: Michael: 6 Laurel: 3

YELLOW: Blaine: 5 Zach: 4

BLUE: Greg: 7 Anjay: 2


(Please note I just sent Greg a text congratulating him on his victory…that’s how excited I am about this.)

-Sophia is already complaining about Greg and Blaine being on The Council. Well, considering she didn’t have enough guts to run herself…maybe she should shut her mouth. Why don’t you dance to get the money to fund a campaign?

-Every time I look at Blaine, all I can think of his the kid that played boyhood Michael Myers in the last Halloween flick. Actually, I also think of that kid every time I see Emilie.

-The Council decides that to teach respect they’ll call everyone into a room and have everyone introduce themselves. But wait, there’s a catch! If anyone laughs or interrupts, they have to start again from the beginning. Natasha is the first one to screw it up and Greg claps and makes fun of her. 14 year-old Eric then calls Greg out by telling him making fun of Natasha like that isn’t very respectful.

-Pharaoh then interrupts the process not once, but TWICE! SHUT UP! We know you’re pissed off you have a stupid name, but you don’t need to ruin the activity for everyone!-The kids end up hating the communication game and they all retreat to their bunks basically to bitch about it. Greg and Blaine overhear some of the complaining and sit outside of the Green Bunk for like an hour listening to them complain. Seriously, way to go guys, you’ve only been on The Council for like 12 hours and you’re already wiretapping.

-One of the things the guys overhear is Eric saying that he’d rather they just sit in the middle of town and compliment people instead of work. So, since they’re edgy, that’s what they decide to do. But instead of complimenting people they basically end up heckling them about how hot they look or something. This results in people getting mad, crying, and the districts facing off. It’s like Bloods vs. Crips. If only Jared could start giving people tattoos, this could really out of control.

-Once again, Taylor isn’t working. Seriously, she’s going to make some 60 year-old rich guy really happy some day. Just give her an Am-Ex and some sunglasses and she’s the complete package. The Council tells her that if she doesn’t work, they won’t let her partake in the reward.-And it’s time for the showdown!

This is clearly the most ridiculous challenge yet. It’s some convoluted process where the kids need to hoist pies up via bucket to the top of a platform, then two kids hold the pie by a stick and walk across a balance beam. Then, they slide the pie down a slide and The Council leaders have to dig through it and reveal a picture of a communication device at the bottom. THEN, they have to put those in order by their invention date. This is so stupid. It’s like a real life game of Mouse Trap. But, if they do it in under 30 minutes Host Guy promises an “amazing” reward.

-Best moment of the challenge so far, Blaine gets a pie with “phonograph” written on the bottom. He then remarks, “What the fuck is that?” It’s really good to see that his parents thought missing 40 days of school to film a TV show was an acceptable idea.

-OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I know you’re all expecting me to say something about this, but honestly…I don’t know what to do. For those of you that didn’t watch, Emilie just stopped partaking in the challenge for a moment to eat pie. I’m not even kidding. WHAT A FAT FUCKING BASTARD. She’s lucky her hands aren’t made out of French fries, I’m sure she’d eat those too.(And for those of you that think I’m awful for making fun of a little girl like that, let me say this: Yes, I am awful. BUT, 1. Fat kids are funny. 2. It’s really a rite of passage for a teenage girl to have an eating disorder, so I’m just speeding up the process. Really, in the end, it’s for the best.)

-Blaine is having quite a hard time putting things in the right order.Zach refers to him as a “moderately intelligent young man. ”That’s like saying Zach is a moderately Christian young boy.

-DK comes through with the right order at the buzzer! The kids get the reward!

Results: Upper Class – Blue, Merchants – Green, Cooks – Yellow, Laborers – Red

But on to the reward…the choices: Letters from home or ponies. Yes, ponies. Mini-horses. Yeah, I’m serious.

-Emilie seems to be in favor of the ponies claiming that she really misses her horses back home. She clearly doesn’t understand how weight distribution works. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

-The kids choose the letters from home.

-After a tense moment, Greg decides to give Taylor her letter. He just loves being nice to really young girls. But hey, if you’re out in the desert you work with what you got.-Laurel begins to read from her letter… “If you’re not sitting down, please do…”How does it end? “Dad’s dead?” “Your brother is gay?” It turns out her brother misses her. OMG! Lolz! Who cares?

-Zach’s Dad wants him to remember that “it’s not how many times you fall, but how many times you get up.” I’m sure there’s also a good adage about clipping coupons or something too.-At the town meeting Greg says that he doesn’t insult people, he gives them tough love. See people, that’s what I’m doing to the kids here. I’m not insulting them, I’m giving them tough love.

-Laurel wins gold star. I’m really excited for her call home only because of all the Boston accents. Let me give you the highlight… “You won 20 thousand dollahs!!!?!?!”

And on that note, it’s time for Thanksgiving Suppah…talk to you next week!

P.S. Visit my website, I’m sexy.