1) Nothing is gay if you are wearing pants. Not shorts, pants. Like… jeans. Wrangler or something.

2) Getting your dick sucked is never gay.

3) Anything can be straight if enough money is on the table.

4) Tossing salad is gay either way, but rim jobs are a mystery.

5) Its not gay if it leads to you seeing two girls repeating what you just did, unless you are sober, or the other guy is curious, or you aren’t wearing pants (See Rule 1).

6) Nothing is gay if it is all in the process of running the train on a bitch. (Yes, the high-five must be given upon eye contact otherwise you are sooooo gay.)

7) All cowboys are gay. Jeans rule does not apply.

8) Nothing is gay if you are playing sports. And by sports I mean football. (Note: While the Dallas Cowboys might be gay, they aren’t gay, so this is an exemption to the previous rule.)

9) Whiskey dick by all means is not gay. Unless you are attempting to dirty lawnchair a dude.

10) Nothing is gay in an orgy, even a pink shirt.

11) Wearing a pink shirt because you're “a man” or because you “feel comfortable in it” is 100% gay.

12) Looking at someone in a pink shirt and calling them gay but thinking to yourself that you wouldn’t look that bad in it is more gay than my vocabulary can express.

13) Accidentally getting a slight glance at a man's junk in a locker room isn’t gay, but accidentally gaping at a man's junk in any setting is.

14) Giving a dirty kermit is never gay… it actually feels really good if you can get your balls in also.Seriously, I came in like 5 seconds.