So, I have recently taken on the hobby of going to parties sober and just observing the happenings (you may think its lame, I call it entertainment) I also can't help but wonder if I wasn't just like the people that I currently take amusement in watching. I was. You were, you know you were. You can't even try to deny it. We were all just like the freshman we detest now, but what is even more disturbing is that they are definitely not all freshman… The same frat boys that were trying to get in my pants my freshman year are still there, doing the exact same thing they were three years previously.

    At this one frat party in particular, I did not have very much fun. However, it is definitely amusing in hindsight. It was a halloween party that I didn't get to until about 11.30, so mostly everyone was already stumbling around and yelling obnoxiously loud things that made absolutely no sense such as "Duuuuude, that girl, I, yeah. Maybe?" There seemed to be an obscene amount of people at this party dressed in a large variety of costumes ranging from the frat guy as a beer keg to the hooker-dominatrix girl. I mean, the costume could have been titled "Morticia," but I prefer to call it "Hooker Dominatrix" instead.

    So, here I am at this raging party, horrifically sober, trying to make my way through, and all around me there are these people grinding on each other and making out. Makes me wonder if they even knew what the other person's name was… let alone what their face actually looked like. So I push my way through to the bar to get a watered down beer that tasted like something I left in my fridge for three months… I ended up passing it off to a very willing guy who was giving me the eye, but I gave him that "Not even if you were the last man on earth" look.

    As I am walking upstairs in hopes of finding the people I came with, I witness in the stairwell my very own striptease show! I had to linger for a minute or two to make sure my eyes had not deceived me. And no, my eyes indeed had not. This girl dressed as a French Maid gone horribly wrong had pushed this guy up against the wall and was giving him a lapdance of sorts intermingled with licking his body and the usual tongue on tongue action. I proceeded up the stairs when he started taking her skirt off… Thats something I always like to do, hookup in the stairwell at a party. Yes, obviously a very smart decision.

    As soon as I get upstairs I decide I want to leave before more drunk guys thought they could get in my pants, so while walking down the stairs (completely sober mind you), this girl is shoving her way up the stairs, shoves me, and I fall a whole flight of stairs. A whole flight. I am sure it would have been very amusing to see Batgirl rolling down the stairs. I bet that wouldn't happen to Batman. Damn you Batman.

    I definitely want to get the hell out of this party by now. I enter into the massive crowd of grinding and making out once more to find my friends from South America, men obviously. When we were hugging/kissing on the cheek (customary) goodbye, one guy tries to force his tongue down my throat. I bet his face felt real nice when I slapped him. What guy thinks any girl wants their slimy tongue forced upon them in a farewell? This ended my night and started my hobby of observing parties. There shall be more to come.