"BRB. Gotta take a sh*t."
- Elvis Presley

"At least no one will remember me for this terrible disease."
- Lou Gehrig

"This is really rather exciting! Let's lose them in the tunnel!"
- Princess Diana

"(Whispering) So, wait, does THAT lady know that THAT guy is the cousin? Sh*t, I totally missed whatever she just sai—"
- Abraham Lincoln

"Oooooo, knife party!! Why didn't anyone tell me? Brutus?"
- Julius Caesar

"They… were… just… magic tricks."
- Jesus Christ