0 7 points: You can just call your Mom right now and tell her that you got all A's. I don't care if you've taken your finals yet or not; you're going to get straight A's. You can tell your Mom I told you so. Get your Mom on the phone right away and say, "Mom, I got all A's this semester and I deserve an ice cream cake. Kevin Corrigan said so on Collegehumor.com. That's right, on the Internet." If your professor tries to give you any other grade, then tell him I said he's wrong.
8 14 points: Sounds like you might fail a final. No biggie. It's one test. If you don't end up with a grade you like in that class you can always sit down with your professor and have a calm, gentlemanly discussion about getting it changed. Try and make him feel guilty about being a poor teacher. If all else fails, make yourself cry. It's easy, just remember how you felt when Chris Farley died. So sad. He was at the peak of his career.
15 21 points: You're going to fail all your finals. You could beg your professors to pass you (see advice in 9 16 range), but let's be honest, you're not too upset about failing. Spend the last couple days of the semester enjoying the finer things in life, like A Charlie Brown Christmas. They really had an awful Christmas tree, didn't they? It was like a poor person's Christmas tree. Just miserable. I'd expect that kind of tree from Pig-Pen. He's poor. You can tell because he's dirty. You should get used to the idea of having a sh*tty Christmas tree, because someday you're going to be poor too, like Pig-Pen.