Hey is Christmas over yet? It's not 2008? Crap. Time to go down a bunch of Jim Beam and head back to bed. Oh, but before I go, here's a few gossip goodies for you. Let's start with a nice, hot, piping cup of COCO!

There's nothing like a matching fur purse and jacket ensemble to get me hot. [IDLYITW]

Remember when Jessica Alba looked like this?

Well you can say goodbye to her hotness for 9 months – she's knocked up. So sad, I know. I'm sure you can cry on Tara Reid's shoulder. These days, she's shriveled, washed up, and ready to love you!

[Egotastic, IDLYITW]

The new video for Britney's second single, Piece of Me, drops tomorrow for grandparents everywhere on 20/20. Watch the first few seconds of it and you too can marvel at how Britney moves like she's holding in a giant crap in her ass. Take that dump Brit! It'll totes help your career. [DListed]

The washed up pop queen failed to attend her court-ordered deposition this week because she was sick with anxiety. Not from her nerves, but because her assistant forget to buy her daily Starbucks Venti Frappucino that morning. Poor thing! [CelebSlam]

Jessica Simpson is so desperate for a hit movie that she's considering doing a role that requires her to nude it up. Ugh, doesn't she seem like she'd be more annoying naked? All burping and farting and talking about cans of tuna fish while you try to stare at her plastic boobs. No thanks. [HollywoodTuna]

Katie Holmes gives us more reason to be creeped out by Tom Cruise. You know, he likes it when she wears miniskirts. He's also totally into her robot eyes. It makes him horny, baby! [CelebSlam]

We hate this kind of stuff, but we gotta tell it: Some super hot French model has come forward alleging that she's been having an affair with Eva Longoria's hubby Tony Parker (the B-Ball star) – after meeting him at HIS WEDDING. Definitely gross, probably true.

And, she's way hot. [WWTDD]

And finally, a picture of future reality TV stars Pam Anderson, her husband, and a dog taking a shit. Because God loves us. [DListed]