GUY: You going home for the holidays?
GIRL: No, not gong home.
GUY: Why not?
GIRL: Well flying this time of year is expensive and since I don't really celebrate Christmas…
GUY: What do you mean you don't celebrate Christmas?
GIRL: Well, I'm Jewish.
GUY: So . . .
GIRL: So most Jewish people don't do the whole Christmas thing.
GUY: Well I have a Jewish friend and he celebrates Christmas.
GIRL: Oh. Well..
GUY:Actually no. His mom's not Jewish. His dad's Jewish. Or is uncle. Yeah,his parents aren't Jewish his uncle's Jewish. Or no, maybe his unclemarried a Jewish girl. Yeah, that's right. His aunt is Jewish.
GIRL: Okay…
GUY: So, why don't you guys celebrate Christmas? What's the big deal? It's the best!
GIRL:I know, I'm sure it's awesome. But…see Christmas celebrates the birthof Jesus…and my family doesn't celebrate…Jesus's birthday.
GUY: Oh. So you and your family don't think he was real?
GIRL: Um…well no, I mean I'm not denying he was a real person-
GUY: So why wouldn't you celebrate his birth if you think he's real? Especially when Christmas is, like, the BEST holiday ever?
GIRL: Well…a lot people in history were real. In fact, there arewhole lot of people in the world right now that exist that are real,but see you can't celebrate EVERYONE'S birthday in such a BIG waybecause…well, that would be way too much celebrating. So, you have tochoose and most Jewish people . . .ah don't . . . choose Jesus.
GUY: Oh. okay. I respect that.
GIRL: Cool.
GUY: So do you have a Christmas tree?
GIRL: No.
GUY: Do you get Christmas presents?
GIRL: No.
GUY: Did you do the whole Santa thing when you were little?
GIRL: No.
GUY: So, like, you just don't celebrate Christmas.
GIRL: Yeah.
GUY: Oh. Okay. I respect that.
GIRL: Thanks.
GUY: So what about Easter? You celebrate Easter?


Hooking up with that guy after the holiday party

GUY: I want you to lick my asshole.
GIRL: Oh, no. No thank you.
GUY: Why not?
GIRL: Well ass licking after just meeting someone is risky and since the asshole is not really my thing anyway…
GUY: What do you mean it's not your thing?
GIRL: Well…
GUY: Is it because your Jewish?
GIRL: What? No. But…
GUY: Because I have a Jewish friend and she loves doing it.
GIRL: Oh well…
GUY:Actually no, her mom's not Jewish. Her dad is Jewish. Or her uncle.Yeah, her parents aren't Jewish her uncle is Jewish. Or no, maybe heruncle married a Jewish girl. Yeah, that's right. Her aunt is Jewish.
GIRL: Okay…
GUY: So why don't you like the asshole? What's the big deal? It's the best!
GIRL:I know, I'm sure it's awesome. But…see asshole licking is reallyintimate… and we just met… and my mom always taught me not to-
GUY: Oh. So you and your mom don't think it's real?
GIRL: Um…well no, I mean I'm not denying that the it exists-
GUY: So then why won't you do it if it's real? Especially when asshole licking is, like, the BEST thing ever!
GIRL: Well… a lot of sex acts are real. In fact, there are awhole lot of sex acts in the world right now that exist and are realbut see you can't do EVERYTHING because . . . well, that would be waytoo much stuff to do. So you have to choose and I… ah don't… chooseass licking.
GUY: Oh. Okay. I respect that.
GIRL: Cool.
GUY: So will you lick it?
GIRL: No.
GUY: What about now?
GIRL: No.
GUY: What about now?
GIRL: No.
GUY: So, like, you're just not ever gonna lick my asshole.
GIRL: Yeah.
GUY: Oh. Okay. I respect that.
GIRL: Thanks.
GUY: So what about yours? Can I lick yours?