LOS ANGELES Pop star sensation Britney Spears, best known for her hit record Baby One More Time and being pregnant, bald and shoeless in public restrooms, recently announced that she does, in fact, have a younger, hotter 16 year old sister named Jamie Lynn-or just Jamie, for short.
Having maintained a publicly Christian household for years, the Spears family has been incredibly supportive of their daughter's unforgivable sin. Even her boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, has assured the press that the situation is under control-via his mother. "Everything is fine," said Joyce Aldridge to People.com.
The Aldridge family has been known to revise the meaning of certain adjectives in their public statements. One only needs to look at Casey's crazed uncle Buzz Aldridge's similar analysis of Hurricane Katrina when he discretely stated, "Everything is fine."
Unfortunately, "fine" doesn't do justice to the fact that Casey is 19 years old which, in Louisiana, would classify sex with a minor as statutory rape, an offense punishable up to 10 years. This leaves the couple with several difficult tasks: either prove they did not fornicate in the Bayou State, or prove that the father is, in fact, her 16 year old second cousin, which would be totally legal in Louisiana.
Britney Spears, the older one, has made minimal contact with the press regarding her sister's pregnancy and her own inability to look hot in skin-toned spandex body outfits anymore. Reminiscent fans may recall Spears' adolescent years, when her family publicly defended their daughter's abstinence while her schoolgirl-themed music video flooded MTV and VH1.The fact that her younger sister plays (played) a similar role as a schoolgirl in her hit Nickelodeon series Zoey 101 is not ironic.
The online community has announced it will release a series of parody videos ("Leave Jamie alooooone!"), response parody videos, and satirical articles. We'll keep you updated as more ultrasounds and Photoshopped images of a bald Jamie Spears become available.