105%

How do we already have a Greatest Hits album?

I think people can have more than one soul mate. Like, any girl that would sleep with me is my soul mate.
If Fat People Got To Name The Months Of The Year
Kinda Cold
Cold
A little Sweaty
Wet, sweaty
Sweaty
Really sweaty, hot dogs
Shame
Wipe face on sleeve
Less sweaty, still a little though
Comfortable, candy
Turkey, good TV
More turkey
Zak Chance, Shirt Designer
"Let's make the next one beige with a thin blue strip, then a thick brown stripe, then it repeats. Yeah, like that. Get J. Crew on the phone, this one's a winner."
"Last night I was so drunk, I cooked and ate fried green tomatoes."
"Haha like you ate the movie?"
"No, man."
"Oh. So how'd it taste?"
"I dunno. It tasted like any book."
The Reflexive Slam
"Hey, 1984 called – they want their insult structure back."
My dad struggled with alcoholism for most of his life but for me it's come really easy.
Stubborn Bully Who Sticks to his Principles Even During a School Shooting
What are you doing, retard? You think I give a crap about your gay ass gun? Watch out, you almost got that grenade in your eye make-up, you scrawny freak.
Q: Why couldn't the skeleton climb the Agrocrag?
A: He had no GUTS!
According to Wikipedia monkeys have a clitoris, but damned if I can find it. Whatever, I've learned a bag of bananas will make her just as excited.
Sometimes I get a little too excited for mac and cheese. The other day I was making some, and I pushed the microwave button so hard that I stubbed my dick.
-Kevin Corrigan

Here's the first Best of 105%. What did we miss? Let us know in the comments.