Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Bro, Not Even, I Got A Boo
January 2, 2008
In response to yesterday's
Dude, Don't Even Bother, Cause I Got The Star
Oh you think you're hot sh*t now that you got the star, huh? Well you better watch out, because I'm taking it like those gangbangers took your sister's virginity. In yo' face!
All that careful planning, waiting to use it until just the right time it's all for nought brother! You might as well turn the game off now because me and my stolen star are gonna light you up like your convicted felon father did to all those files at his office. What now?!
I know what you're thinking, you're hoping on getting a Boo yourself. Well let me alleviate you of any dwindling hope you still have, because just like Christmas you won't be getting anything you asked for. Tip the bandleader and fluff up the pillows, because this dance is done my friend.
Do you really believe that I'd let this star that you so cavalierly flaunted about go to waste now? A wise man learns from his own mistakes, a wiser man learns from others', and you my friend just made a bigger mistake than that time you thought you were finger blasting a girl but were actually playing around with door number 2. Stick a fork in you, because you are done mon frere.
You better be prepared to do some asshole replacement surgery, because mine is staying firmly intact. In fact, get ready for some descrotumfication because my Boo just made you its daddy and it's about to go violate you like Coach Donaldson did in gym class back in high school.
Man, this must really suck for you, not knowing when I'm going to bring the pain! Don't worry, it'll all be over shortly, much unlike your bedridden Grandmother's battle with cervical cancer. You'll be wishing you had to breathe out of a tube by the time I'm done with you!
Ok, here we come up on the final turn aaaaaaand BOOYAH! Ha ha, knocked you right into the water! Let's hope you swim better than your dog you pansy. Remember that time your gay dog drowned in your pool? Huh? Remember when you came home to his floating corpse? Yea, the whooping I just gave you probably makes you want to relive that tragic event instead of watching my character take a victory lap. Later loser.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.