There is nothing worse at a college campus than those chicken shit meter maids. These people are the lowest of the low, no matter what university you go to. They sit in their truck/car/golf cart just waiting for the moment that you, the unsuspecting student, don't plug the meter. The moment that you walk away from your parked vehicle without depositing what little change you do have into the machine, they pounce. I swear, sometimes it seems that they are waiting in the bushes near your car, much like a Viet Cong sniper waiting for the unsuspecting American to wander into the woods just to take a leak. When that moment comes, boom! They write a ticket, slip it under your wiper and disappear. You have a gaping hole in your asshole the size of a bullet ripping through that unsuspecting soldier's head.

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Who are these individuals that apply to be among the few, the proud, the meter maids? They are the students that were picked on in high school by the football players, and decide that they can seek vengeance by preying on poor college students. They get a rush of adrenaline as they type in your license plate number, VIN number, the $25 fine, and then print off that piece of paper. They practically dance away from your vehicle after they have just written you another chicken shit parking ticket.

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What makes matters worse; they seem to have gotten more ruthless throughout the four years that I have been in college. When I was a freshman, I had time to run inside the gym, spend an hour working out, and then come back to my meter that was expired when I parked in that spot. Then, when I became a sophomore, they started putting those little slips of paper on my windshield, so I wised up. I at least had time to run inside the building and get a little change to put into the meter before I found a ticket on my windshield. That all changed when I entered my junior year, I had to carry around nickels, and dimes to temporarily plug the meter with, just so I had time to run in and change out a dollar. Now, in my senior year, it is almost as if I have to get into a footrace to the meter with these individuals the second I park my car. Who the hell knows what it's going to be like next year when I come back for the victory lap in college?

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Today, our society is now praising these individuals who brave the parking lots to slip that little piece of paper under your windshield. I turned on A&E last night, and what did I see? A television show called Parking Wars, that is when I began to lose all faith in humanity. A whole network has devoted a half an hour of programming to these social pariahs, to praise the work they do. I sat there, amazed at what I was witnessing, and felt the pain that those poor individuals felt as they walked up to their car to find that piece of paper fluttering in the wind. I reminisced at the encounters I had with the meter maids on my campus, as I watched a man from Philadelphia get into it with one of the "flat foots" that patrolled the dangerous parking areas of the city.

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What kind of world are we living in now? There are countless number of crimes being committed on our streets, but we instead choose to highlight the lives of people that make their living filling the coffers of our universities and cities. I suppose I should just move to a place that doesn't rely solely on personal transportation, maybe then, I can escape the country that elevates those proud individuals who call themselves "Meter Maid."

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