After reading this column, you will be a Level 7 Scientologist and totally brainwashed. Sound good?

Great, then meet your leader, Jerry Maguire! A bunch of Tom Cruise videos created by the Church of Scientology have leaked on the web, and it confirms that sneaking suspicion you had that Tommy might be insane – and also the secret ruler of the earth. [IDLYITW]

Because Britney does 1048503021 insane things a week (like drive to her deposition and then not enter the court), here's what she did yesterday. I'm sure by the time you read this she'll have chartered a submarine to the core of the earth. Alas. [IDLYITW]

Brit forced the store Kitson to open at 2AM so she and her mooching friends/f*ck buddies could go shopping. She left in a men's shirt, tie and not much else. Even she's not attracted to herself. [WWTDD]

Let me get the sad stuff out of the way:
1. Actor Brad Renfro died. Possibly drugs. Definitely sad. [WWTDD]
2. Lily Allen recently suffered a miscarriage. Blergh, the poor thing. Can we even talk about anything funny after that? [DListed]

Ah yes, here we go! Britney Spears might have a multiple personality disorder! One personality is called "British Girl." And the other is know as "batshit insane white trash nastiness." [DListed]

The Adult Video News (AVN) Awards fucked the shit out of Las Vegas this weekend! [HollywoodTuna]

David Spade has probably impregnated a 22-year old Playboy model. Sorry, unborn baby. You are going to be short and annoying and not as funny as your future fat best friend friend. [CelebSlam]

Continuing on the Dudes Who Totally Should Not Be Dads tangent – Matthew McConaughey has knocked up his super-hot girlfriend. Clearly celebrities think they are above condoms. [CelebSlam]

Jessica Biel showed up back on the scene, and she's definitely left sexy at home. [Egotastic]

And finally, Lindsay Lohan – though totally jacked up botox, red bulls and dick – kinda actually looks hot again. It's gonna be a good year. [Egotastic]

Your Baby Daddy,