(This article requires a minimum score of 3 on the AP Chemistry exam or completion of CHEM 100 or higher)

Sodium: Hey, the guys called, want to head over to Lithium's place?
Chlorine: No, I hate it over there.
Sodium: See this is exactly what I mean, you're so negative!
Chlorine: Want to know the truth? Whenever you and your buddies get together, you're just so repulsive I can't even take it. Why do you even like to hang out with those guys?
Sodium: Lithium and Potassium are family! Gosh.
Chlorine: You're right, it was dumb of me to think we had some sort of special connection.
Sodium: Oh, so now me saying we are Ionic means nothing to you? I give you everything!
Chlorine: Oh my god, bring up the electron again why don't you. You said you didn't even want it!
Sodium: I also said that your new orbital looked good on you last night. You looked like Iodine! And, oh yeah, I checked the periodic table last night and it looks like your Molar Mass jumped up to 35.453. Tough month?
Chlorine: How could you! Anyways, that is just a stupid rounding error. Check your sig figs before you try and insult me. God, you're acting like such an isotope right now.
Sodium: Me? I'm the isotope. Me? Bologna, you're the isotope!
Chlorine: Hah! Now that's funny. So it was my fault that last night at Water's we didn't hang out?
Sodium: We disassociated for like 10 minutes.
Chlorine: Try all night.
Sodium: Whatever babe, there were a lot of atoms I hadn't seen in awhile.
Chlorine: Go ahead and say it. Go ahead.
Sodium: So what, Flourine was there, it's not like we did anything…
Chlorine: You shared orbitals with her didn't you.
Sodium: You know I would never do that.
Chlorine: Whatever…
Sodium: Well I saw you uploaded that picture of Carbon Tetrachloride on Facebook.
Chlorine: Oh my, I'm soooo sorrrrry! I'm probably the only atom who likes to have fun with my friends on Halloween.
Sodium: Four girls and Carbon. Fishy much?
Chlorine: He's gay, you know that!
Sodium: I'm just saying.
Chlorine: God, you're acting so much like Silver right now.
Sodium: Why would you say that? You know I hate it when you bring him up. Whatever, we just won't go out tonight.
Chlorine: Good.
Sodium: Fine.
Chlorine: Grand..
Sodium: Great.
Chlorine: …baby? I bond you…
Sodium: I bond you too babe, I bond you too.