Ethan: What an upset this week! Nobody thought the scrappy underdogs could do it, but wow, Kentucky beat Tennessee last night. Amazing. Also, there was some football game in Green Bay or something.
Amir: I couldn't tell what was going on for most of it because of the glowing red lights radiating off Tom Coughlin's face but from what I could see, it looked pretty incredible. Does making it to the Super Bowl make Eli a premiere quarterback?
Ethan: In the Arena League or the NFL?
Ethan: The guy's won three more games than he had when the entire world was second-guessing him. He's played well, but not so great that he's making me forget Joe Montana. Joe's NFL Network commercials are doing that for me.
Amir: It's not just three games, it's three playoff road games! Would you trade him for Tony Romo right now? Would you trade him for Peyton?!
Ethan: Does Romo come with his girlfriend?
Amir: Jessica Simpson?
Ethan: No, Jason Witten. Really, though, how did the Packers lose that game?
Amir: Costly turnovers and failure to stop Eli. If you get two missed field goals and the ball to start overtime and you STILL lose, you don't deserve to lose in the Super Bowl to the Patriots anyway.
Ethan: I was just disappointed that for a Scottish guy Lawrence Tynes wasn't more like Groundskeeper Willie during interviews. As for the Pats, you have to give it to Phil Rivers. He may be an asshole, but he don't need no wimpy ACL to play.
Amir: I guess he needs one to score touchdowns though. It's a shame, they held the Pats to 21 points but didn't have a quarterback or running back to outscore them. LT looked so sad below that helmet and jacket. Like a robotic scarecrow.
Ethan: Should we have seen Billy Volek?
Amir: If a 100% Michael Turner and Darren Sproles is better than a 50% LT, then 100% Billy Volek is better than a 50% Philip Rivers.
Ethan: That sounds like the most mediocre Algebra II problem of all time.
Amir: Maybe the Patriots can just take on the winner of the Pro-Bowl?
Ethan: Any way the Giants beat the Pats?
Amir: They just have to do exactly what they did in Week 17 minus the long bombs to Moss. Do you think Week 17 helped the Giants more (because it gave them confidence), or the Patriots more (because it gave Belichick more footage?)
Ethan: You know, if losing to the Pats counts as "gaining confidence," then they should probably just give up altogether. Let's go to hoops. You okay with Memphis sneaking up to number one?
Amir: Sure, why not? The great thing about basketball is that it doesn't really matter who is number one in the polls. They might as well have four number ones. That way when college students hold up their hat and their index finger at the cameras, more of them will be right!
Ethan: I dunno, I really want for Kansas to stay number one and go undefeated. That way everyone who picks them to win in my bracket pools will get knocked out in the second round. I mean, how many times do the Jayhawks have to beat Yale and Loyola to prove they're for real?
Amir: I love schools that I'm only familiar with because they were once 15 or 16 seeds. Speaking of small schools, have you seen Kenny George? He's probably larger than Belmont and Fairleigh Dickinson stacked on top of eachother.
Ethan: The YouTube video of Tyler Hansbrough dunking on him is hypnotic. It's like a glimpse into the soul of a young Shawn Bradley. I can't turn away.
Amir: How is UNC-Ashville not 18-0? He can dunk without jumping. That's like a real life game genie code.
Ethan: Catch any of the USC-UCLA game? Great win by the Trojans, and it gave birth to the early front runner for quote of the year from USC's Davon Jefferson: "I didn't know the game was over 'til the game was over. That's how crazy this was." That doesn't sound crazy to me at all. Games usually don't end until they end.
Amir: He's a modern day Yogi Berra.
Ethan: O.J. Mayo was too busy throwing down dunks on toddlers at a local orphanage to comment.
Amir: "Get on eachothers shoulders, boys! You ain't even in the poster yet!"
Ethan: Can you explain why half the college coaches wear these terrible school-color blazers? Bruce Pearl looks like he should be the spokesperson for Tang.
Amir: It's a trend started by a small college in North Carolina whose colors are a classy dark blue pinstripe to make their blazer most appealing. More appealing than the Portland Trailblazers. Who play in the NBA. Speaking of the NBA. What do you think about the NBA?
Ethan: The Heat are becoming so bad it's riveting.
Amir: Does not make too much sense, was Gary Payton THAT important?
Ethan: They won the title with an old team and then apparently decided to get younger. By any means necessary. (Any means = Ricky Davis.) They have two centers who are a combined 72 years old earing $22.7 mil. Apparently you can put a price on a lack of success.
Amir: Does this 14 game losing streak take Dwyane Wade out of the running for top five player in the NBA? Or does that just mean Dorrell Wright, Ricky Davis, and White Chocolate are the worst teammates in NBA history? Is there a grayer shade of gray for Pat Riley's hair to turn?
Ethan: It definitely takes D. Wade out of the running for Chuck's five. And just when he was getting so close. If I want to watch a promising young player on a double-digit losing streak, I'll watch Seattle for Kevin Durant. Or, to a far lesser extent, Wally Szczerbiak.
Amir: It's Wally's world. We're just living in it.
Ethan: Got an interesting fact?
Amir: This one comes out of the NBA's most entertaining franchise the Charlotte Bobcats. It's not even February and Jason Richardson has the Bobcat single season record for most three's in a single season. He's about 25 away from the career record too. Take that Matt Carroll!
Ethan: Until next week, send Sidney Crosby a get-well card. If he's not healthy soon, there might not be an NHL to come back to.
You can find Amir and Ethan on their random jersey blog StraightCashHomey.net. Or not. It's up to you, really.