If NBC's producers had my imagination, the Gladiators' names would be just a little bit more frightening…


Crush would become… Marriage!

Fury would become… Unplanned Pregnancy!

Helga would become… Blood Cancer!

Justice would become…Rape!

Mayhem would become… Sexual Misconduct Lawsuit!

Militia would become… Prison Shower!

Siren would become… Morbid Obesity!

Stealth would become… Dying Alone!

Titan would become… Juvenile Diabetes!

Toa would become… Clowns!

Venom would become… Rosie O'Donnel!

Wolf would become… Candiru!

Thanks to Katie, HHH Man, Quailman, Matt Gorman, and Kevin Slane for their help