Three months ago, the Writers Guild of America went on strike. They were concerned about the unfair compensation that writers receive for new media projects. The controversial strike, supported by other guilds such as the Screen Actors Guild, is necessary to force the producers to discuss the rights due to the writers.

But the writers forgot their secret weapon: A little tv show called Lost.

At 8pm on Thursday night, producers in New York and L.A. sat in front of their televisions.

And, if you turned down your volume and listened very closely, you could hear the soft weeping of the producers, wrecked with guilt, as they watched the finest specimen of a tv show ever created.

You can bet your ass they're going to resolve this strike now! There's no way we could live without our full 16 episodes this year.

Here's what went down this week, in a Hugo cannonball:

Jack begins to lead the group back to the beach to be rescued. Naomi, bleeding, crawls away and eventually dies. On the beach, Desmond gets back and tells the crew there that Charlie is dead and that the boat on the way is not Penny's. They go to find Jack and the rest, but Hurley gets lost, sees visions of Jacob's cabin, and finds Locke. Eventually, the two groups meet in the jungle. Hugo tells Claire about Charlie. I cry. There's a confrontation between Jack and Locke, and people have to decide who to side with: go with Jack and hope to be rescued, or hide out with Locke from the people coming on the boat. A parachuter comes! A flash forward reveals that 6 survivors made it back to the real world and that Hurley sees visions of a dead Charlie telling him he needs to help the rest.

Here's what we learn:
1. Do not watch Lost with fans of The Wire. They will scream so much when the attorney character shows up that you can't hear the dialogue.
2. Someone has made some sort of deal with the Oceanic 6 (the six survivors that made it back to the real world), in which they cannot speak of events that happened. What are the consequences if they do? And, in our flash forward from last season, why didn't Jack just come out with the truth?
3. ABC's desperate attempt to get us to watch Eli Stone by dangling a Lost secret in front of us is tempting, but useless…..but tempting.
4. Rose wants Claire to give Charlie a blowjob.
5. We're pretty sure at this point that any "Previously on Lost…" segment is pointless. There's no way you can catch up at this point.
6. The cop interrogating Hurley knew Ana Lucia and had a crush on her…probably not important.
7. The attorney character " let's call him Daniels " is from some mysterious place. He asks Hurley "Are they still alive?" We're guessing he's talking about the rest of the passengers still on the island.
8. Jacob got a haircut. He had long hair last time, right?
9. That catch-up hour is for pussies. If you watched it, we're not talking.
10. If there are two trails, follow them both.
11. Jack tried to shoot Locke. This is fucking huge.
12. Cops really do eat donuts.

We're BACK, baby!