Dude, I just hate the Patriots that much.  I don't really LIKE the Giants!  I mean, it was pretty awesome that they won.  I mean, did you see that game?  Eli Manning is a god!  For beating the Pats, that is.

Well I had nothing else to wear!  And an Eli Manning jersey only costs like $60, I can make that working 9 hours.  Totally worth the investment.  I'm never washing this.  What?  Dude, I just HATE the Pats!  Tom Brady is a dick.

No, that Giants poster has been there forever!  It was my roommate's from two years ago, and he was gonna throw it out.  What?  "2007 Season"—that's a typo.  Damn, I never noticed that!  Did you even see that fourth quarter?  Eli deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for that.  What?  No, I PROMISE next season I'll be a Steelers fan again.  Dude, the Raiders started sucking again, I had to switch teams that time.  Completely different story.

Seriously though, how could you NOT be a Giants fan today?  The Patriots are a bunch of cheating assholes!  And you have to hate Tom Brady.  Seriously, he leaves his knocked-up supermodel girlfriend for ANOTHER supermodel?  He's a huge dick!  Eli would never do that.  I would let Eli knock me up if it were possible.  What?  I'm just excited, it was the greatest upset in NFL history!

I already told you, last time was COMPLETELY different!  I just switched to the team with closest colors to my old team!  It's not my fault they won the Super Bowl the night before, that was purely coincidence.  I still like the Colts!  Th—no, I said "Steelers".  You're just hearing things.

I gotta get going.  Can I borrow some money?  I have to go get my "I Heart Peyton" tattoo removed.  I told you, I was DRUNK, and now it's irritating my skin, that's why!