To: The Internet
Re: Your Letters
To whom it may concern:
My penis is fine. But thank you for asking. Your suggestions, though unnecessary, are appreciated in the matter. I take my penis very seriously, and so it warms my heart to know how concerned you are about its health and well-being. Rest assured, I have matters well in hand.
Richard "Rick" Harlan
CEO and Senior President in Charge of Rick Harlan's Phallic Matters