To: The Internet
From: Rick
Re: Your Letters

To whom it may concern:

My penis is fine.  But thank you for asking.  Your suggestions, though unnecessary, are appreciated in the matter.  I take my penis very seriously, and so it warms my heart to know how concerned you are about its health and well-being.  Rest assured, I have matters well in hand.

With regards,

Richard "Rick" Harlan
CEO and Senior President in Charge of Rick Harlan's Phallic Matters