1. Just leave the front door open.
2. You can front a rock band, run your own ad company, own a rock club, and still never leave the house.
3. If you shout for one of your roommates, they will all arrive in your room at the same time.
4. If your dog runs away, you should run to each of your city's famous landmarks, constantly shouting the dog's name. Then one of you should turn around.
5. The youngest child is never at fault. You should have been watching more closely.
6. You have family in Greece that looks just like you, except with dark hair and big noses. These people will steal your money, harass your wife, trick you into marriage, and die in your house.
7. Your new infant should be left in the care of two men who have never heard of a diaper.
8. If your black best friend moves away, a new black friend will come to take their place.
9. You can get amnesia from falling on your ass.
10. You principal actually enjoys senior pranks.
11. If you drink at a frat party, you will be kicked out.
12. Sexually assaulting men is funny.
13. Gia died in that car accident.