Boyfriend: So is this gonna be like that Karma Suit sh*t? Cause, baby, if you wanna twist yourself around me like some Gumby whore, that's fine. But I'm not doing that sh*t.
Girlfiend: Its called Tantric sex baby. I read all about it in Cosmo.
Boyfriend: Taint-tric? Ahahaha! Like taint your ass, taint your p*ssy?! Ahahahaha! Girlfriend: I can't believe you just said the "p" word around me after we had a whole discussion yesterday about how much I hate the "p" word and why it's historically demeaning to women.
Boyfriend: Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy! Ahahaha! Oh come on, stop crying.
Girlfriend: Let's just do this, (sniff) okay? Remember what you promised?
Boyfriend: Yeah, yeah, yeah. If open your ass, I'll open my mind.
Girlfriend: Yeah. So you owe me. Just relax and breathe deeply.
Boyfriend: You breathe deeply, and Ill watch your tits go up and down. Deal?
Girlfriend: This is exactly the kind of attitude I talked about in that poem I wrote you!
Boyfriend: And that poem is exactly why I hooked up with your hot friend Kelly last week. Ahahaha! Oh come on, stop crying. It was a joke. Look, I'm deep breathing baby. See?
Girlfriend: (sniff) Do you love me?
Boyfriend: Yeah! What do I tell you every time you ask me? Yeah!
Girlfriend: How much do you love me?
Boyfriend: Shitloads.
Girlfriend: Do you love me as much you loved your ex-girlfriend?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: And I'm hotter than her, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: How much hotter?
Boyfriend: Shitloads hotter baby.
Girlfriend: Thanks baby. Okay, let's just keep breathing.
(45 seconds later)
Boyfriend: Okay, so when do we fuck?
Girlfriend: Not yet, we have to sexually meditate first. And then we do massage.
Boyfriend: There's no fucking?
Girlfriend: Not at first. Keep breathing.
Boyfriend: This is bullshit!
Girlfriend: Where are you going? We're supposed to be connecting. We're supposed to be having mental intercourse!
Boyfriend: Oooo look at me, I'm fucking the shit out of your brain. Ahahaha!
Girlfriend: Don't you want to get closer to me?!
Boyfriend: Yeah, I want to get closer to your tits via my cock!
Girlfriend: You're supposed to be my Mr. Big! Mr. Big would have an open mind about this!
Boyfriend: Well than Mr. Big is a PUSSY! Because this Tantric shit is for PUSSIES!
Girlfriend: (starts sobbing)
Boyfriend: And who the fuck is Mr. Big?