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Guy who cheats at Mad Libs
For my trip to (California), I (boarded) a (large) (airplane). For dinner we were offered (fish) or (chicken). Altogether, it was a (pleasant trip).
I was fired from my last job. Officially, it was due to "budget cutbacks," but that's bullsh*t, becuase I easily embezzled thousands of dollars from that company.
Things I Heard My Flight Attendant Say That Made Me Sure My Flight Was Going To Crash
- I usually don't take these long flights… but Charlene asked if I wanted to switch so…
- Yup. I'm retiring tomorrow. Kinda weird… this being my final flight and all.
- Our captain has advised us that our flying time will be TWELVE MINUTES!!!
Best Make Believe Foods
1. Snozzberries
2. Green Eggs and Ham
3. Unicorn
If Hillary Clinton gets elected, I guess that automatically makes her the president I'd most like to have sex with. Millard Fillmore will drop to #2.
Oprah's Fight Club
"This month's fight is Capoeira, a Brazilian technique featuring acrobatic movements and kicks. Audience member Tina Goldblatt, I want you to hit me as hard as you can, into a million little pieces."
Little-Known Proverb
A man who cuts his own hair has a fool for a barber.