The song "Crank Dat Soulja Boy" (by rapper Soulja Boy) has been a recent sensation among teenage girls and other creatures noted for their herd mentality. Unfortunately (although perhaps fotunately) for these innocent children, they have no idea in hell what the lyrics mean. I have taken the liberty of ruining this song for you by explaining what the lyrics mean. On the left is the real lyrics, and on the right is the standard English translation, with an attempt to correct for Soulja Boy's irregular third person usage. Please try to not hate rap music too much after you read this.

Soulja Boy up in it (oh)I am having sex with a prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve as I masturbate
Den super man dat (oh)Then ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating

It should be noted that there are only five original lines above. The reader should note that Soulja Boy is 17 years old, therefore it seems unlikely that he has actually partaken in a "superman" as he references above, or even had sex with a prostitute at all.

Soulja Boy up in dis hoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve as I masturbate
Den super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating

The above verse contained absolutely no lines not found in its preceding one.

Soulja Boy up in dis hoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me lean and watch me rockObserve I as move around while having sex
Super man dat hoeI ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Then watch me crank dat RobocopObserve as I ejaculate into a bucket and then overturn the bucket on the prostitute's head
Super fresh, now watch me jock(Ed. note: unclear what this line means. Only known information is that "Jock" most probably means "to engage in sex")
Jockin' on dem hatas mate(Ed note: unclear what this means. Only known information is that "Hatas" refers to individuals that harbor dislike for Soulja Boy)
When I do dat Soulja BoyWhen I do the dance to this song
I lean to the left and crank dat thangI lean to the left and perform the "crank" dance move
(Now yuaaaaaaaaaa!)
I'm jockin' on yo bitch assI am flirting with you (Ed note: not 100% sure on this one)
And if we get to fightinIf we have a physical confrontation
Den I'm cockin' on yo bitch assThen I will have sex with you
You catch me at yo local partyYou can find me at a local party
Yes I crank it everydayI dance every day
Haterz get mad cuzThose who dislike me get mad
I got me some Bathing ApesBecause I own a pair of Bathing Apes shoes

Soulja Boy explores new limits in human sexuality and misogynism. He also seems convinced that his enemies dislike him soley because he own expensive shoes. This is not the lesson that we want to be passing to our children. Shoes do not imbue hatred.

Soulja Boy up in dis hoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: not translated)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyThen observe as I masturbate
Den super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Soulja Boy up In dis hoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve as I masturbate
Den super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating

The distinction between verses and chorus become fuzzy as we observe that Soulja Boy has a limited imagination for lyrics beyond disgusting sex acts, forcing him to repeat himself over and over again.

I'm bouncin on ma toesI am moving up and down quickly (Ed note: sexual activity implied)
Watch me super soak dat hoeObserve as I cover the prostitute in ejaculate
I'ma pass it to ArabI am going to give the microphone to "Arab"
Then he gon crank it up fa shoHe will certainly dance
Haters wanna be me Soulja Boy, I'm the manPeople who dislike me wish to be me, I am an idol
They be lookin at ma neckThey are looking at my neck
Sayin' is dem rubberband man (man)(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me do it (Watch me do it)Observe me doing what I am doing
Dance (Dance)Dance
Lean'n to (Lean'n to)Perform the "Lean'N To" dance move
Nope, you can't do it like meYou cannot perform the dance move as adeptly as I can
Dope, so don't do it like meDo not attempt to perform the dance move similarly to how I do it
Hoe, I see you tryna do it like meProstitute, I notice that you are attempting to perform the dance move similarly to how I do it
Man that shit was uglyYour dance performance was deplorable

Soulja Boy explains that he is the only person who can dance to this song properly. His observation has been proven untrue by every girl between the ages of 12 to 16 in America, who have taken it as a religious requirement to bounce on their feet retardedly as similarly to Soulja Boy as possible.

Soulja Boy off In dis HoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve as I masturbate
Then super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Soulja Boy off in dis hoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyI am masturbating
Then super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
I'm too clean off in dis bitch (Ed. note: "I'm" is sometimes written as "All")(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank it watch me rollI am masturbating
Watch me crank dat Roosevelt denObserve me masturbate with a now-temporarily-disabled prostitute, then
Supa soak dat hoe(yuaaaaaaaaa!)Ejaculate onto the prostitute
Supa soak dat hoe(Supa soak dat hoe)Ejaculate onto the prostitute
Supa soak dat hoe(Supa soak dat hoe)Ejaculate onto the prostitute
Supa soak dat hoe(Supa soak dat hoe)Ejaculate onto the prostitute
Supa soak dat hoe(Supa soak dat hoe)Ejaculate onto the prostitute
I'm too clean off in dis bitch(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me shuffle watch me jigObserve me performing the "shuffle" and "jig" dance moves
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve me performing the "crank" dance move
Den supaman dat bitch(yuaaaaaaaaa)Then ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Supaman dat bitch(Supaman dat bitch)Ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Supaman dat bitch(Supaman dat bitch)Ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Supaman dat bitch(Supaman dat bitch)Ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate

The author has become convinced that Soulja Boy has multi-orgasmic capablilities rivaling Paris Hilton.

(Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh yuaaaaaaaaa)Soulja Boy off in dis hoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve as I masturbate
Then super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Soulja Boy off in dis HoeI am having sex with the prostitute
Watch me crank itObserve as I masturbate
Watch me roll(Ed. note: Translation unclear)
Watch me crank dat Soulja BoyObserve as I masturbate
Then super man dat hoeThen ejaculate on the sleeping prostitute's back and roll her over, thus adhering her to the bedsheets with my ejaculate
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
Now watch me yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!Observe me
(Crank dat Soulja Boy)I am masturbating
(Yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!)
(Ahhhhhhhhhh Yuaaaaaaaaa!!!)

Finally, after long last, we reach the end of the over-repeated and misprounced string of grammatical atrocities called "Crank Dat Soulja Boy." Armed with your new knowledge of obscure sex acts and never-before-used urban language, please, do your duty to America. Make sure that our youngsters stay in school and off of rap labels. We know what happens when we fail.