It's the most glamorous night of the year.

The biggest stars are out. The red carpet is laid down. Expensive gowns are zipped up. Tuxedos are donned. And all of Hollywood " and the world – is abuzz at what will happen. You break out the fancy snacks and that good dip that your mom used to make when you had sleepovers. And before it all starts, maybe you even place a bet or two on what will happen.

That's right, it's time to watch Lost!

(Oh yeah, and the Oscars happened.)

Here's what went down this week, in a lab rat maze:

Sayid, Desmond and the helicopter pilot finally make it back to the big boat. But Desmond's experiencing some freaky time-traveling consciousness thing. He keeps going back and forth to 1996, where he's in the army and doesn't talk to Penny anymore. In the present, he doesn't remember any of his island friends. Daniel talks to him from the island via phone and tells him he has to find him (Daniel) in 1996 so that he can help. The solution is finding a "constant" element in both of his "lives" (or else he may die). That constant is Penny.

Here's what we learn:
1. Don't take a week off from writing your Lost column. And, if you do, don't use time travel as an excuse. No one will believe you.
2. Jack and Juliet learn about time "passing differently" on the island.
3. High levels of radiation or electromagnetism (i.e. when the hatch blew up) cause the time traveling craziness.
4. Daniel was exposed to radiation when he did his experiments. This explains his memory loss.
5. Fisher Stevens' name in the credits for the past few weeks was not a joke!
6. Penny's dad bought the ship log of the Black Rock, which presumably has some crazy island stories in it. It was previously owned by a Hanso!
7. Rich people let faucets run.
8. Mental note: if you write on your hand, that shit doesn't travel through time. Someone should invent an ink that does.
9. Desmond got Penny's number and promised not to call her for 8 years from 1996. But, in 2001, she started to look for him. And, she has gotten close. She's made contact with that freighter before.
10. Des finally gets in touch with Penelope. Like Barack Obama, they promise never to give up hope.
11. Frank the pilot is a cool dude, but the rest of the people on the boat don't seem to want to help the time traveling victims much.
12. If you join the Iraqi army, you learn how to do EVERYTHING. Even re-wire messed up boat communication wires.
13. Daniel may need to use Desmond as a constant. (BTW, not the best ending shot. I think we've been spoiled the past few weeks with great endings).
14. I am sorry for missing last week. I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS! Holla! Where my n*ggas at?? Yeah!
15. Do not call people you've never actually met "your n*ggas."
16. True love fucking kicks ass and can stand the test of time…or, time travel.