Bass players are the most underappreciated members of any rock band. Next to their more theatrical bandmates, the bass player is often mistaken for boring or stiff. This couldn't be further from the truth. Bass players have many exciting moves all their own, like
The 'Whoa, Did You Just See Me Slide Up the Fretboard?'
Almost from nowhere the bassist will go from playing a progression in the lower register to playing a similar one a few octaves higher, by way of a long slide up the fretboard. It's this kind of charismatic move that makes bass players beloved princes of the stage. Man, you guys eat this sh*t up. I can see from the stage how you're like 'whaaaaaat!' when I bust this out.
The 'Turn and Talk to the Drummer"
Oftentimes a bassist will show his total onstage ease by leaning back to exchange a few words with the drummer, another de-emphasized band member. It is unknown what topics these two cover in their discussions but the industry's best guesses have been, "Wow, Trent is really drawing this guitar solo out," "Check out the blonde two rows back. I bet Trent will hit that tonight," and "Dude, we should get a side project together or something." Seriously, Rob is a solid drummer. We could do some amazing stuff.
The 'Wait Outside the Motel 6 Room'
Bass players will often elect to room with the drummer while on tour, which I thought was a good idea. However, a decent looking drummer can pull just as much trim as a good looking rhythm guitarist, which nobody told me about. This move only lasts about ten minutes, by which time the bassist has moved on to the 'Ask the Sound Guys to Crash in Their Room.' It's like Rob thinks he's Trent or something. I dunno, I thought Rob and I were like a team or something. I dunno.
The 'Convince Trent to Play The Ballad You Wrote'
Unbeknownst to most music fans, bassists can be amazing song writers, especially when they've written a ballad about this girl Janice that I knew in high school and since she might be at this concert it would be badass if we could play it and you could mention that I wrote it before we start playing it? Yeah..no, I know we should stick to the set list but I thought just this once
I know you're the front man, Trent, I just thought this one time
No, it's fine. We can play 'Janice Dream' some other time I guess.
The 'Todd, Go to Arby's and Get the Band Food'
Sometimes Trent acts like a fucking diva and thinks he can tell people who have equal say in band decisions that they need to go get food for everyone. It's lucky I was going to Arby's anyway or else I never would have been like, 'Yeah sure, whatever.' Dude, if Rob would ever get his dick out of Trent's ass we could have the most rocking fucking band ever. We could play 'Janice Dream.' Fucking Trent. What's that? Oh
No cheese, please. Trent is lactose intollerent.