With the approach of summer, diligent college students should be looking for ways to earn credits over the break. For every major there are a multitude of intership opportunities. Today I break down a few popular interships and go over the statistics of what you can expect from your time at each one.



Newspaper Intern—-


Photocopies Made
Guy: 2,339
Girl: 6

Times Invited Out to Drink by Staff
Guy: 2
Girl: 38

Gchat Messages Sent/Received
Guy: 441
Girl: 398

Times the Assistant Editor Will Make a Pass at you
Guy: 1
Girl: 22

Coffees Fetched
Guy: 160
Girl: 12

Times You Will Wake Up At The Assistant Editors House Late for Work:
Guy: 0
Girl: 6




Local TV Station Intern—-

Coffees Fetched
Guy: 381
Girl: 226

Different Excuses Used to Leave Work Early
Guy: 13
Girl: 16

Total Pounds of Office Supplies Stolen
Guy: 114
Girl: 86

Phone Calls Answered
Guy: 247
Girl: 247

Times You'll Slip the Word "Labia" Into Closed Captioning
Guy: 6
Girl: 1

Times You'll Be Fired
Guy: 1
Girl: 1





Summer Paralegal—-

Boxes of Legal Briefs Moved
Guy: 97
Girl: 3

Will Take Private Dictation From a Senior Partner
Guy: 0
Girl: 14

Photocopies Made
Guy: 3,828
Girl: 6

Be Spanked By a Senior Partner for Insubordination
Guy: 0
Girl: 9

Faxes Sent
Guy: 23
Girl: 9

Creepy Voicemails Left To Home # of Senior Partner After he doesn't leave his wife
Guy: 0
Girl: 3







Musical Theater Assistant—-

Flyers For Shows Distributed
Guy: 350
Girl: 789

Deep Hugs Received
Guy: 140
Girl 16

Sequins Attached to Costumes
Guy: 547
Girl: 1,235

Truth or Dare Played With Mr. Bevilacqua The Choreographer
Guy: 6
Girl: 0

Smart Cocktails Made
Guy: 53
Girl: 48

Number of Your Anuses Destroyed

Guy: 1
Girl: 0




Natural History Museum Curator Intern—-

Tours Given
Guy: 76
Girl: 65

Picnic With the Curator Under the Stars in the Planetarium
Guy: 0
Girl: 7

Number of Fossils Broken And Hastily Glued Back Together
Guy: 5
Girl 2

Love Letters in Ancient Greek Exchanged with the Curator
Guy: 0
Girl: 3

Postcards Stolen From Giftshop
Guy: 26
Girl: 31

Bent Over A Saber Tooth Tiger and Fucked back to the Stoneage
Guy: 0
Girl: 1