More Reasons Why I Can't Keep a Steady Girlfriend:
- I am very afraid to poop in your apartment, resulting in a lot of sudden ends to dates and/or movies.
- If I find a synthetic fiber in my bed before I fall asleep, I floss with it. If I find floss in my bathroom before I go to bed, I don't.
- I didn't know there was such a thing as a four-month anniversary.
- I can only play the first nine seconds of "Blackbird" on my guitar.
- I tried using that, "I didn't know you had a sister!" joke with your mom but it turned into a fight about how I never listen to you.
- I sing songs that I "know" on the radio by emphasizing the last word of each line right after it is said.
- I think I know how to dance.
- I wear Michael Jordan cologne and spray my junk twice for good luck.
- I share my cell phone plan with my entire family which gives me just under three minutes a day to speak.
- I don't send you enough bumper stickers on Facebook and when I do they never work.
- I always forget which friends of yours I get to make fun of.
- I don't think 10,000 B.C. looks dumb because the tiger looks fake.
- The ratio of "shoulder to upper-inner-thigh" massages I give is roughly 1:100.
- If I'm smiling, I'm happy. If I'm coughing, I'm sick. If I'm sleeping, I'm just tired, not pissed off.
- I'd rather do one long thirty-minute snooze than six, five-minute snoozes.
- When you ask me to pick you up at seven, I will show up at seven. If you want me to come earlier, ask me to come earlier.
- I am a firm believer that there is a time and place for everything, except handjobs and Sex and the City re-runs.
Original Reasons Why I Can't Keep a Steady Girlfriend