Why do I let myself daydream? In my head, my life is adventurous: I am a dashing prince upon a majestic horse, with a much deeper voice, striving valiantly to save the damsel. And I also don't have to pluck my eyebrows.

But in reality, when I try to make my dreams come true, things go differently. I'll show you what I mean. Here's a scene from the inside of my head:

Paul is waiting in line for a burrito, and a beautiful girl gets in line behind him. Paul turns around to talk to her.

Paul: Can you believe this line?

Girl: I know, seriously. It's like, I have places to be, please.

Paul: Ha, me too. Maybe they'll open a new line for people who are busy.

Girl: (winking slightly) Yeah, but then you'd still be in front of me, and I'd still be late.

Paul: Well, I'd think about letting you go in front of me.

Girl: Oh you would, would you?

Paul:
(smiling coyly) Maybe. If you were good.

Girl: (getting closer) And what would I need to do to be… good? (strong sexual voice on 'good')

Paul: Well you could start with giving me your phone number.

Girl: (taking a small piece of paper from her cleavage, and a pen from Paul's pocket) Okay. (writes down the number, and stuffs it down the front of pants) But this better be just the start…

And so on and so forth. But here's what actually takes place when I try to make that happen.

Paul is waiting in line for a burrito, and a beautiful girl gets in line behind him. Paul turns around to talk to her.

Paul: Can you believe this line?

Girl nods, slightly smiles, and rolls her eyes.

Paul: It's like, you know, hopefully they'll like, open up a new line or something.

Girl: Huh? What?

Paul: I said maybe they'll open up, you know, a new line. You know, for us busy people.


Girl:
Uh… are we busy?

Paul: Well yeah. It'd be great. We'd get to go in front of all the other people, cause there not as busy as us, and, and, maybe you could go in front of me, or you know, I'd let you go in front of me, or something. It'd be sweet.

Girl: Uh huh.

Paul: And I don't know, maybe we'd perchance a meeting one fine dusk…

Girl: Hey, you're up next.

Paul: Oh, so I am. Hm hm hm! (by this point Paul has fallen fully into a burly English accent.)

Girl: But, were you serious about letting me go in front of you? Cause I actually am pretty busy.

Paul: Oh, yeah. Of course. Go right ahead, m'lady. (he bows)

Girl:(eyes wide, going past him) Thanks.

Paul: Shall I… harken towards you sometime?

Girl:
Huh?

Paul: (briefly going back to his normal voice) Um, should I call you?

Girl: Uh, see, thing about that is… I have a… problem with my phone.. hold on. (turns towards counter) Yeah I'll have a Southwest Chicken Salad, please.

Paul: (back to the voice) The lady knows her pheasantry!

Both Girl and attendant look back at Paul, who's leaning in, twiddling the moustache he doesn't have.

Girl: And um, could you make that to go?

Attendant: Absolutely.