(Best Available Photo)
School: University of Miami
Hometown: Tamarac, FL
Major: Journalism / Public Relations
You're double majoring in two fields that require a lot of social interaction. Which, gosh, how's that working out for you?
Wonderful! Ever since I was a kid, I've loved working and talking with others. I guess you could say I'm a PPP: professional people person.
Really? That wasn't what I'd, you know, expect.
Hah! Well, don't let this smile fool you; I can get serious as the next girl!
What are you serious about?
Too much to name! During summers, I travel to Mozambique to help with some home building efforts through hello?
You seemed distracted by something. Is everything okay?
Uh, sure, yeah. You built Mozambique.
Hah. You're funny.
A lot of people say that God's greatest gift to mankind was speech, but I think listening is even more valuable. That's why I like talking to you. It's hard to find a nice guy who listens
Oh, wow okay well
(Sighs) You're flattered but you only date girls in the 10 sizes or less aisle.
I wasn't going to say that.
No, I know. I'm I'm not mad. I just thought when you called me for an interview, it'd be deeper than this. I guess I just thought more with my heart than with my brain.
Well maybe if you didn't cling like a sock to a dryer, it'd be less terrifying getting to know you.
My clinginess would be immaterial if I were thin! You would like my clinginess if I were thin!
And had two eyebrows.
Now that's just uncalled for! You think because you wear an ironic t-shirt that says "Kansas Kan-Sass" you're some hip guy? How many girls have you laid this semester?
Well, okay I stand corrected. But that doesn't forgive your valuing a woman in a place of learning for the size of her ass and chest.
What's the matter, Regina? Jealous?
Of course I'm jealous! But at least I can see my selfishness for what it is rather than bury my lack of insight with a thick layer of irony and Saturday morning cartoon references.
Well, now this is awkward
Look, I'm sorry I'm sure you're a great guy. You obviously worked hard to get a good gig writing for a website like this. I shouldn't have judged you so fast because of my insecurities.
That's alright. I'm sorry all the charity work in the world you do doesn't give me a boner. Can I maybe buy you a drink?
That would be nice.
Any last thoughts?
I wish we were real people instead of poorly written facsimiles of reality.
Me too, sister.
Let's fly to Alpha Centaur!
The imagination has no limit!