Ethan: Go Western Kentucky! This just goes to show that if you rip off and recolor a McDonald's character as your mascot, you'll succeed. Look for UCLA to switch from the Bruins to the Purple Mayor McCheeses next year. What was your favorite moment of the first weekend of games?
Ethan: Greg Paulus' overbite screws up his depth perception from distances like that.
Amir: Makes sense.
Ethan: The best part was that it didn't seem like a fluke that they lost. When Belmont should have beaten you, a fairly good team like West Virginia doesn't even feel like an upset. Remember this when Coach K has to lead Team USA next summer against Serbia, the Belmont of nations.
Amir: Watch out for Mid-Major Croatia!
Ethan: Does Stanford have the best collection of names ever assembled on one team?
Amir: Robin. Brook. Taj Finger. They've got it all! Including a monopoly on seven foot twins in America I guess.
Ethan: I like that they're Robin and Brook. It's like their dad found out they was going to have to pay for twins and immediately got his revenge by giving them girl names and making Robin get the worst haircut of all time. Will they beat Texas tomorrow night?
Amir: It's going to be close but I like Stanford. If only they were part of the West region they wouldn't have to worry about "good opponents." Just ask UCLA. Has there ever been an easier path to the final eight? Or elite four?
Ethan: You're never going to give Xavier any credit, are you? They could win the title, and you'd be sitting outside Drew Lavender's dorm room chanting "over-rated" and making fun of his height. I don't think they'll beat UCLA because they're too balanced and don't have that one guy who can go berserk to carry them. But they're good.
Amir: Also UCLA gets one "get out of foul free card" every game. Don't forget about that!
Ethan: I didn't know you majored in conspiracy theories at Texas A&M. Things aren't looking any easier for Carolina, are they?
Amir: Washington State then Tennessee (or Louisville). Those are going to be fun to watch. Though nobody is dominating like UNC. I wonder when the last time a team has opened a tourney with back to back 100 point games if only there were a way to find out. Oh well.
Ethan: The beating UNC put Arkansas added years to John Pelphrey's face. He looks like a mature 24 year old now.
Amir: But seriously, folks!
Ethan: Wait a minute, last week you thought Tennessee wouldn't make the Sweet Sixteen, now you think they're beating Louisville?
Amir: They can do both! Is this the year that all 1 seeds make it, and that guy who chooses no upsets takes home the grand prize?
Ethan: That's happening in one of my pools right now. The woman who picked all lower seeds is winning by several points. Of course, the downside of that strategy is when you get to the Final Four. She just picked both semifinals to be ties and called it a day. How's your bracket look?
Amir: Pretty busted after Pitt took a knee against a team I had losing in the first round. Turns out Michigan State can win without Mateen Cleaves. March Madness strikes again!
Ethan: I actually had that game picked. I really hope Mateen Cleaves was watching that game with his teammates on the NBDL's Bakersfield Jam. "Take that, Scooter McFagdon, you just lost our pool!" At least until coach Jim Harrick broke up the party. Like Michigan State against Memphis?
Amir: I like ROOTING for Michigan State over Memphis. If I can't predict the final four team from the Midwest, nobody can! Speaking of being at home and watching the tournament, did you hear what Kansas State's coach Frank Martin told the media today?
Ethan: That he wants for Beasley to go pro?He's already asking Beas if he's hired an agent. "Cause, you know, I mean, I like it here in Kansas, but I'm flexible. I even thought about going to law school. I'd make a good agent, I think. I usually win when I play Monopoly."
Ethan: How refreshingly honest.
Amir: Though I think he went too far when a reporter asked him about education, and Thomas responded, "Fuck that."
Ethan: "Book readin's for nancies, boy." I think that strategy's smart, though, and it's kind of the same thing Tim Floyd's doing with O.J. Mayo. If you know the kid's going to leave anyway, be nice about it. If you're a dick, the next one-and-done guy won't come to school there.
Amir: Why would you want them to come to your school?
Ethan: A year's worth of free Sportscenter coverage. You know who I haven't thought about in a week? The Rockets. That was the easiest breakup ever.
Amir: I told you a week ago they may be the best team ever that won't make the playoffs, how do you like my prediction one week later?
Ethan: They're in third in the West. They're up like five games on Denver. You should be ashamed, and so should whoever taught you math. Does Donnie Walsh to the Knicks mean the Isiah experiment is over? I feel like they didn't really give him a chance.
Amir: If you're going to ask him to cook the food, at least let him choose the ingredients! Mmm needs more Starbury
Ethan: Isiah had a 25-year plan when he went to the Knicks, and you've got to stick with him while he implements it. All he needs is five number one picks in a row, LeBron, and for cloning technology to get to the point where he can build a Jordan/Wilt/Russell hybrid in a lab. It seems reasonable to me. Let's save our full baseball preview for next week, but can you believe Dice-K couldn't win in Tokyo?
Amir: "What's Japanese for 'I have no control of my pitches and give up many walks.'"?
Ethan: I think it's "Hideki Irabu," but I'm terrible with foreign languages. Got an interesting fact for us?
Amir: Two people have been High School National Football Player of the Year and not played college football. Greg Paulus, and who? Or, actually Joe Mauer, and who?
Ethan: I think you messed that up.
Amir: and who?
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for retirement, C. Webb!