Executive Producer: Dr. Evil Monkey
All the time people are comin' up to me, all like,
"Yo, Jeff, what the F is up with the Nanking incident? How did it affect Sino-Japanese relations?"
Or sometimes people are like,
"Man, did you hear about the rape of Nanking? Damn dude, being a Chinese civilian FTL "
For the record, of course I am well versed in the goings on of the Nanking massacre and how they would come to affect Sino-Japanese relations. Duh. Everyone who isn't a stupid jagoff knows that shit.
Since I mainly hang out with stupid jagoff's, it's probably poignant to explain exactly what happened when and how subsequent relations between China and Japan were affected.
Lemme break it down like this: In like 1937 or some stupid year like that, some Japanese dudes took a plane to China. (It was Delta flight 1293 with service from Tokyo to Nanking for you goddamn history buffs that are going to want to know that shit.) When the Japanese dudes got to China, they busted out with their Pokemon cards, Sushi bars, and Saki bombs. Naturally, the Chinese dudes were pissed because they hate sushi and Pokemon.
The Chinese called up their legendary General Tao, who advised introducing the Japanese fellows to his famous chicken dish. The pissed off Chinese guys whipped up a plate of General Tao's chicken and served it to the Japanese guys on an orange plate.
Now everyone should know that being served on an orange plate is basically a slap to the face for any emperor-fearing Japanese man. The Japanese fellows not only didn't like the delicious chicken, they were deeply angered and offended, and texted their friends back home about the incident via their Hello Kitty themed Razrs.
Upon hearing about this most heinous of crimes, the Japanese guys buddies all booked flights on Delta out of Tokyo into Nanking. These guys didn't just bring Pokemon cards and Saki though. They brought Samurai swords and Death Guns.
Upon arriving in China, the disgruntled Japanese men began immediately raping and killing every Chinese person in Nanking. You may ask yourself,
"Why didn't the Chinese fight back? Didn't they have police or an army or something?"
Well they did, but they were too busy saying "Dude, wtf? It was just an orange plate!"
This massacre went on for about six weeks. Or maybe like a day. No wait, it was three years. Nah. Six weeks. However long it lasted, it totally pissed off Chinese people.
To this day, the Rape of Nanking is a major arguing point in Sino-Japanese relations. Chinese folks are pissed off because Japanese history books gloss over the whole thing and Japanese people are pissed off because they're all like,
"Come onnnn, it was like 100 years ago. It probably wasn't even really that bad anyways."
And that my friends, is a brief history of the Nanking massacre and its subsequent affects on Sino-Japanese relations.